Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Things that never happened: Pretty Little Liars edition

One of the things we do a lot is imagine elaborate backstories for things that never happened. For example, one day Joanna and Whitney almost got run over by two teenage girls in a Burbank parking lot and proceeded to imagine a hilarious 20 minute conversation between those girls whom they hypothetically (and appropriately) named Jenna and Brie. “Ohmigod, Jenna, you totally almost ran over those girls in your mom’s Yukon.” “Shut up, Brie! It didn’t happen, did it?” “No wonder you mom doesn’t let you borrow the Yukon often.” “Whatever, Brie. Shut your mouth hole.”So a couple of days ago I was using the Netflix account on my AppleTV to watch “Pretty Little Liars.” I was a couple of episodes in when I realized I wasn’t signed into our Netflix account - it was some random person’s. I asked Chris if he knew who it was but he was just as confused as I was so I assume it was some weird glitch in the AppleTV system? I switched the account back to mine but the person who was accidentally signed in will still have “Pretty Little Liars” pop up under their “Recently Watched” stuff. I won’t post the email address, but let’s just say this person was definitely a guy and he mostly had dramas and guy shows in his queue, so “Pretty Little Liars” would stick out like a sore thumb. 

These girls are so good at walk/posing!

I started to imagine how this person would react upon finding “Pretty Little Liars” in their history, and this is what I came up with:

A guy (let’s call him Tad) is about to watch Sons of Anarchy or something with his girlfriend (let’s call her Rhonda) on Netflix when PLL shows up.

Rhonda: Tad, did you watch Pretty Little Liars?
Tad: No. Did you?
Rhonda: No. You know I can’t stand that teenybopper stuff. It’s like, how old are we? 23? No. We’re 31 and 32.
Tad: I know how old we are. You don’t have to state the obvious.
Rhonda: Apparently I do because Pretty Little Liars is right there under “Recently Watched”. So either you watched it recently or... <GASP> Are you cheating on me?
Tad: No!
Rhonda: You are! You’re cheating on me with someone who watches Pretty Little Liars! Who is it? Is it Camille? She’s all into that Disney shit. Ugh, I can’t stand that girl. She thinks she’s so cool because she can talk to 8 year olds without talking down to them. Who lists that as a skill?
Tad: Babe, I swear, there’s nothing going on with me and Camille. I took her out for coffee once, but that was because I almost ran over her foot with my car. Thank goodness she wears shoes that are 2 sizes too big.
Rhonda: Is it Anita? She loves all that CW stuff. She’s been telling me to watch Vampire Diaries for years - she’s totally the type to watch Pretty Little Liars.
Tad: I’m telling you, I’m not cheating on you! Besides, Pretty Little Liars is on ABC Family.
Rhonda: So you DO watch it!
Tad: No! I can’t even stand Lucy Hale. She reminds me too much of Katie Holmes but younger and less robot-like.
Rhonda: Ohmigod, you totally watch it. You know who Lucy Hale is.
Tad: What? She’s a celebrity. Doesn’t everyone knows who she is?
Tad: ...Wait. How did you know all that?
(awkward silence)
Rhonda: Okay, fine. I’ve seen an episode or six of Pretty Little Liars.
Tad: Ha!
Rhonda: But I didn’t watch them on your Netflix account!
Tad: Neither did I! Look, can we just forget about this? Please? You owe me. There was that one time you didn’t put in for tip at that big group dinner and I didn’t say anything.
Rhonda: It was either that or hold everyone up with my credit card bill! How was I supposed to know everyone else had cash on them? Seriously - fifteen people and everyone had cash. When has that ever happened?
Tad: Babe, just let it go. I really want to get past this, open a fresh bag of Pirate Booty, and watch Sons of Anarchy with you.
Rhonda: Fine.
(They settle in and start watching Sons of Anarchy whilst munching on Pirate Booty.)
Tad: So who do you think A is? I think--

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