Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Soooo, like Kristine said -  it's been a while since we've blogged. Not because we haven't had thoughts,  because we have. I mean we're basically Plato ....  if Plato wasn't profound in any way. 
What was I writing about?  I got distracted by finding this boss picture of Plato.  He had a wonky nose, no? Or is that just a bad day for the sculptor? Or just time eroding his stony nose parts?  Hmmmm.  Well. Much like getting to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop, the world may never know.  Well they probably do, but I don't so... Why haven't we been writing on our blog?  Simple answer.  We've been losing our f-ing minds.  And we've been busy. Like crazy busy.    But here are some of tangential things that we've learned over the last six months that I thought we'd share with you.

Termite Farts are majorly responsible for Global Warming.  Whaaaatttt?  It's true. Google that shit.  They are the second largest contributor to methane emissions.  Crazy right? I wish my farts could be that epic.  Nope. I immediately take that back. Everyone would be so mad at me, I'd end up in jail or not allowed to eat any of the foods that make me happy.  Sooo I'm good with my non- epic farts.

GLUTEN isn't our friend. Guys, this was a sad sad day in our lives.  If you know us at all,  you know how much Kristine loves baking a ton and I love eating a ton.  So avoiding gluten has been pretty sad.  No more of this stuff for us. Soft weeping sounds.


Next up:
There are at least forty five sexual positions we didn't know about before having to research them. Yep.  That was part of our job. We got paid to do that.  Just let that marinate for a little while.  I was gonna post a picture of this one but then decided I don't know what the blogger policy on computer animated sex positions was.  But if you get the chance look up the "Sultry Saddle" I just like saying it. It's funny.

We learned about testosterone injections.   Apparently if you over do it,  the testosterone  turns into estrogen in your body. Crazy right?  So you go from this:
to... this:
Who knew? I'm not sure which one is worse honestly.  Because it'd be awesome to be strong but a good cry is also so nice sometimes, ya know?  And lets be serious - neither look is especially attractive.

We also learned about the Bechdel test.  Which yes, we had no idea about.  We are lousy feminists.  But for all of you who are too - here you go.   These are the rules - IN A MOVIE  or a WORK OF FICTION -  ARE THERE...

??? If so, the movie passes if not - it fails.  You'd be surprised how many movies fail.  I know I was.   Like really surprised.

And yes we did learn  that Ghosts apparently sweat the Hoff.   But look at him.  How could they not? I get it Building 131 Ghost,  I really do....

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

We're back!

As you can see from the six month gap in entries, we’ve been MIA for a while.  I know what you’re thinking: did we got knocked up and go into hiding until the shame baby came out?  Answer: no.  That would be a terrible thing to do, both because babies are a gift and hiding is hard.  We’ve just been working our butts off on season 3 of Sullivan & Son and our Amazon pilot.  But now that we’re done we can finally come up for air and do all the things we kept telling ourselves we’d do when we had the time, like update this blog, watch Scandal, and shower regularly!

The past six months have probably changed our lives forever.  We'll always have part of this experience nestled deep within creative DNA of our hearts...and our souls. Naturally, we’re going to do justice to that change by writing 4 brief paragraphs about the things we’ve learned.

1. People are awesome.

We had the pleasure of working with some of the funniest, most talented group of writers you’ll ever meet, and here’s the kicker--all of them were NICE.  Unbelievably nice.  There were probably as many fart jokes as there were offers to get anyone something from the kitchen.  That probably doesn’t sound like much, but when you think about how many fart jokes are pitched and how often talented people are jerks, it’s really saying something.  When we go on meetings and tell people that everyone in the room got along, they raise their eyebrows in surprise and tell us how lucky we are.  To which we reply: “We’re not lucky, we sacrifice three virgins to the goddess Tyche under the gibbous moon in exchange for tidings of good fortune and a discount at Zales.” #justkiddingwe’resuperlucky

2. Craft services is dangerous.

Seriously, we’ve gained so much weight from being on this show.  I’d like to say it was worth it for the laughs but I’d also like to put on my pants without help from a shoe horn.  The craft services table was perpetually stocked with brownie trays, Porto’s cheese rolls, and an untouched cinnamon bundt cake.  There was a separate room that had an espresso machine, an ice cream freezer, and gumball machines that didn’t take money.  One day we were on stage in the morning and they had three trays of bacon.  DIFFERENT TYPES OF BACON.  Another time they had shrimp cocktail on a clamshell ice sculpture.  It was like something out of a fancy banquet in The Little Mermaid.  But not, because Ariel probably wouldn’t want to eat her friends off of something that looks like her bra made of ice.

3. The Warner Bros lot is a magical place.

You can be on a posh NYC brownstone one minute and a sketchy looking alley the next.  One day we were almost run over by Clint Eastwood driving a golf cart and it was a memorable day because that happened PLUS I got Jamba Juice!  There’s a room full of Batmobiles, a room of Dementors, a Starbucks AND a Coffee Bean.  One night we were working late and we heard a huge explosion.  We all rushed outside and saw a cloud of smoke.  For a brief moment we debated driving over to see if anyone needed our help.  Then we were like “duh, we’re on a lot, it’s probably Michael Bay blowing up a church for some reason.”  And it turned out to be true, except it was Pretty Little Liars blowing up a church for some reason.

4. Ghosts are weird.

For a long time, we kept hearing this story about how the building we were working in was haunted because a writer committed suicide in it.  No one had that many details on it; they just heard from a friend of a friend that that happened and it was this building.  So naturally, we brushed it off as a sad attempt to scare writers off of the show to make room for someone’s brother-in-law’s car wash guy who could really use a break.  But I did hear some strange noises and there were definitely some creepy vibes in the hallway, but that could be because there were no lights in there except for the red exit sign and it looked like something out of Total Recall.  One night, Joanna and I were working late, we went to our boss’s office to ask him a question, and came back to our office ten minutes later.  Joanna: “Um, were you using my laptop?” Me: “No. Why?” Joanna: “Because the wikipedia page for David Hasselhoff is up.  And I did not look him up.”  WHAAA?!  Conclusion: there is indeed a ghost haunting building #131 on the Warner lot, and he’s a big fan of David Hasselhoff.