Thursday, August 1, 2013

Earthquake Preparedness: A True Story

Earlier this year the studio made us go to a mandatory emergency earthquake preparedness seminar. Naturally we were all like “uuuugggh, we have to stop sitting around in our office doing nothing and go all the way to the gym so we can sit around and do nothing? What is this life?!” We hemmed and hawed and shuffled off to the gym, where we proceeded to watch the most TERRIFYING VIDEO OF OUR LIVES. It basically told us that California is way overdue for a big earthquake because some hot shot tectonic plates are like SCREW YOU CALIFORNIA. WE’RE GONNA SHIFT SOME DAY AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. WELL, THERE IS ONE THING YOU CAN DO: PREPAREDNESS.

Disclaimer: Watching this video might make you paranoid like us. Maybe read the rest of this entry before deciding whether or not you want that to happen.

The seminar went on to tell us about all the things we should have on hand in case of an earthquake: first aid kits, flashlights, wind up radios, matches, those weird foil emergency blankets, etc. They gave us helpful pamphlets and told us where we could buy pre-made Red Cross emergency packs for $39. Joanna, Whitney, and I promptly ignored these helpful tips and ventured off to Target to make more customized emergency packs for 2x the price.

Here are some things that are in our emergency packs:

First aid kits
Wind up radios/iPhone chargers
Luna bars
Diapers (for Lilly. And emergencies.)
Condoms (what else are you going to do?)
Alcohol (again, what else are you going to do?)
Zip ties (for apprehending hostiles)
A stylish-yet-functional doomsday outfit

As you can see from the inclusion of zip ties, our overactive minds jumped from earthquake preparedness to end-of-the-world doomsday preparedness. As a general note, I highly suggest everyone make their own emergency preparedness kit. Not only will you be prepared for an emergency (as the name implies), but it’s also interesting to see all the thoughts that go through your mind in regards to preparedness. You find yourself pondering the important things in life: Do I really need face wash and body wash or will bar soap work on both fronts? Do I really need a toothbrush when putting toothpaste on my finger works just as well? Will bras matter anymore? Do I know how to forage for food or fillet a fish? Should I learn that soon? All these thoughts and more race through your head when you’re doomsday prepping.

This is how to fillet a fish. (singing) The more you knowww!

I actually put a lot of thought into my doomsday outfit. I figured I’d want to be comfortable and warm, but not something that isn’t too heavy in case I have to run for a long time or traverse through the treacherous wasteland that used to be Earth. And I didn’t want to pack crappy clothes because what if this is all I get for forever? It may be the end of the world but that doesn’t mean I have to look terrible. I mean, Emma Stone had a great doomsday outfit in Zombieland. That leather jacket might be a nuisance on hot days but man does it look badass when you’re kicking zombie butt.

It's stylish, yet functional. Cute, but not so cute that a zombie gut stain is the end of the world. 

Anyway, long story short I decided on a loose pair of skinny jeans, a tank top, and a plaid shirt. And leggings in case it’s super cold.

Here are some things I’d put in my emergency pack had I thought about it/if I had more room:

The dictionary (there are so many words I don’t know. If I’m gonna have a lot of free time on my hands I might as well learn something)
Lots of paper and pens (assuming we won’t have technology, these will probably be like currency come doomsday. Where else are you going to write down the screenplay you’re writing about this tragedy as it happens?)
A really good pair of insoles (if you’re walking around in the same pair of shoes for the rest of your life, you’re gonna need some arch support)
A bow and arrow (it just seems appropriate)

A book that somehow teaches you self defense. Probably a good thing to learn. Also, I’m assuming such a book exists.

Found this gem on Amazon...could be handy in the event of the end of the world. How did this start again? Earthquakes? Yeah, we're way past that.

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