Friday, July 26, 2013

This = Good

Here’s the first entry an ongoing segment I’m calling “This = Good”. It’s basically a list of stuff I like. I admit it’s not a very creative title but if I called it “Good Things” Martha Stewart would come at me with a hand-crocheted subpoena. And if I called it “Aerial Dragon Sex” it’d be very misleading.

White Girl Problems by Babe Walker

Have you ever wanted insight into the mind of a narcissistic asshole? I have! (I say, indicating that I’m not a narcissistic asshole myself.) This hilarious faux bio is told from the POV of a fictional character named Babe Walker, a rich entitled twentysomething who bitches over the kale-to-agave-ratio in her 100 calorie breakfast smoothie. Word on the street is that Elizabeth Banks’ production company bought the rights to possibly turn it into a movie, which would be amazing if the right bitch was cast. Some of my favorite quotes include:

“Honestly, Genevieve, I can’t go in any vintage stores, because I just had a facial yesterday, and the floating particles of cocaine residue will tarnish my shine.” - Babe’s excuse to not go shopping with her BFF

“How the F am I going to be an actress if you and Dad force me to go to college? The best actresses are rebels who didn’t go to school and were too poor to eat.”

“You’d have to be a real dick to blow off an invite to an intervention, but I won’t say I’ve never done it. I mean, my cousin was addicted to gum. Not my issue.”

Upon finding a new friend at art school: “I knew from the second I saw her that she would be the perfect weird art friend, and she’d make me look super tall and thin in pictures, so a strong bond was born.”

“My eyebrows tell you that I’m listening to you, but I’m not like, crazy into what you’re saying. Or, wait. Maybe they say that I’m not listening to you, but I’m thinking about something important that you should probably want to know. I can’t remember, but it’s one of those.”

An end-of-date convo: “I had a lot of fun, Babe. I feel like we were, like, connecting and shit.” Babe: “Totally connecting. It was amazing, and our hair looked so good. Your car is the perfect height off the ground for the wind’s trajectory to create a healthy and natural blowout. I feel so lucky to have you in my life. Is that psycho?”

Nutella stuffed cookies

Guys, there are so many wonderful things being done with cookies these days. I feel like we’ve made so many advancements in cookieology - brown butter cookies, cookies stuffed with other cookies, unicorn poop cookies... I’m like, really proud of society on the cookie front. And when I saw this recipe for Nutella stuffed cookies via Cooking Classy, my stomach squealed in excitement.

The genius thing about this recipe is the technique you use to get the Nutella inside the cookie. Nutella is too soft to put inside a cookie without too much hassle but some genius figured out you can freeze dollops of Nutella, then wrap the cookie dough around it before baking. AMAZING! The result is a delicious chocolate cookie with a burst of nutty goo in every bite. You’re welcome.

Backseat Lover by Mayer Hawthorne

This is just a fun summer song to have in your arsenal. I can’t listen to this song without doing some hip thrusts, which is awkward when it pops up during my neighborhood jog. And it’s about secret affairs! Who doesn’t want to jam out to that? Priests, probably. What?

No comments:

Post a Comment