Things We Plan To Do With Our Free Time

We’re gonna be unemployed soon, and one of the ways we cope with the soul-crushing emptiness of not having a purpose in life is by filling that void with the possibility of maybe doing something. Here are some of the things we plan on probably getting around to, if time permits:

Kristine:

Write. 

Obviously. It is our craft and we’re gonna keep it sharp by doing things like updating this blog and sending mass texts to our family. When we’re not writing, we’ll be writing. That’s how much we’ll be writing. It won’t always make sense but the important thing is we’re doing it.

Take some improv classes. 

One of the things that’s immensely useful in a writers room is to be able to think of jokes quickly. (It’s also useful to smell good. Just a side note.) So we plan on taking some classes at UCB. We’ll probably have to perform at some point and I’ll probably shit my pants but I plan on buckling down and facing that obstacle with aplomb and Depends.

Catch up on TV shows. 

One of the perks of doing what we do is that watching TV is considered “research” and not “being lazy.” One of the other perks is that Rainbow slippers are an acceptable form of office footwear.

Try a Doritos taco. 

I guess I don’t have to wait until I have a ton of free time to do this but it seems like the kind of thing I shouldn’t let pass me by and if I write it down I’ll feel beholden to actually do it.

Learn a useful skill, like parkour.

How cool would this be? Answer: head explodingly cool. And we looked into it and parkour classes in Culver City are only $15! Is that a valid reason for learning parkour? Probably not. By that logic you could say that making a pipe bomb is something you should do because the materials only cost $15.

Finish that scarf I started crocheting in 2009. 

This is probably the least likely thing that will happen. Yes, it’s behind learning parkour.

Spend time with people I wish I saw more often, like my family and friends who live in the west side. 

My family is an hour away so it isn’t easy to “stop by.” But I like seeing my family because I love them and it warms my heart. Also they’re obligated to love me back no matter how terrible I am. And even though the west side is technically closer, it feels like it’s forever away. I probably spend as much time agonizing over how long it’ll take to get there as it would take to actually get there. Only I’m agonizing from the comfort of my home as opposed to agonizing in the middle of traffic, trying to sing along to Adele without letting my face get too expressive because the other drivers give you funny looks. (Joanna: Oh I think we should do more expressive faces and give people a reason to pick up their phones while driving.  “Honey, I just saw this girl.  She was making the weirdest faces at me.”  CUT TO them getting a ticket and us laughing all the way to bank.  Why did we decide to go to the bank instead of seeing our friends on the west side? Eh. Less traffic.)

Get an oil change. 

Just something I’ve been meaning to do for the last 143,200 miles.

Joanna:

Do some pinterest-ing.

I just signed up for Pinterest. Yes I know, sooo 6 months ago. But I got there eventually,  so look out all you crafty DIY bitches out there - I’m  probably gonna think things that you think are cool. And then try them and post pictures of all my epic failures. But maybe not. Maybe I’m really good at making mason jar vases or paper chandeliers or sherbert.  You don’t know. Because I don’t. So really that wasn’t fair. You had no way of knowing. I’m sorry I was so defensive there. I’ll make you a sherbert to make up for it.

Would also like to take up French and the drums. 

I probably won’t do either but if you have any recommendations on how to get started for free -  I’ll take them.

I would also like to develop a “catch phrase” or a signature gait. 

Just a little something so people think, man, that girl is a confident little weirdo. (I’m hoping that if I do enough practice walking - I’ll  deserve every bit of that “little” comment.) (Kristine: I like how Joanna groups her interests together. Obviously French and the drums go together, as do catch phrases and signature gaits. I mean, it makes perfect sense to me but it’d probably be hard to track in like a Family Feud scenario. Because that happens.)

I am also going to try and meditate.  

Probably need some candles and like a floor pillow. Ooh and Enya or maybe just a wind chime.

I would also very much like to try a Doritos Taco. 

(Kristine: We can have a Doritos Taco day. Followed promptly by a Lettuce for Every Meal day.)

I would like to catch up with friends and family on the east coast.  

So my phone bill will probably skyrocket.  Well ok, I would like to  catch up with family and friends who are “in my Verizon network” on the east coast.  So I guess first, I would like to take a poll of my east coast friends and family on Facebook and see which ones are Verizon customers.  If you are an east coast friend of mine and you’re not on Facebook, or you are on Facebook but you’re not a verizon customer,  I’m sorry I probably will not be contacting you by phone during my unemployment.

And quite frankly we hope this is all we get to do with our “free time” cuz we’re not planning on having that much of it.  Dear God, hire us please.