tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34166284449170859922024-03-05T11:15:18.284-08:00Lady-WritersUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-40586059432889867992016-01-19T17:29:00.000-08:002016-01-19T17:29:01.127-08:00So you wanna be partners?Recently Joanna and I did a <a href="http://animationnetworkpodcast.podbean.com/" target="_blank">podcast</a> for our friend Kris Wimberly where we offered sage advice on how to get hired as a writer (smell good), what it's like to be story editors (emails 4 dayz), and what it's like to be writing partners (amazeballs). But there's only so much time in a podcast, and we spent a lot of it joking around and having staring contests, so we thought we'd take a sec to write a little bit more on some subjects. First up - being partners!<br />
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Let's start with the poop part so we can end on sunshine and rainbows. Number one con: <b>you split a salary.</b> Everything down the middle. So if you eat caviar for breakfast or have your heart set on swimming in money Scrooge McDuck style, a partnership is not for you.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is not safe!</td></tr>
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<b>You will have fights.</b> A partnership is a relationship. Some would argue that it goes even deeper than a relationship because you gotta be friends <i>and</i> business partners <i>and</i> intellectual lovers. So in order to make the 40+ hours you spend together every week enjoyable and productive, you have to be able to hash it out <i>and</i> (almost more importantly) be okay to move on like 5 minutes later.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pretty much how we duke it out but with 98% less muscles.</td></tr>
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<b>You're the Olsen Twins.</b> A fun 90's-reference way of saying you become one half of a whole. The people you meet will remember you as a team, and you'll never be "just" you. And if you are you, you're you in relation to your partner. Kinda like how you remember Mary Kate and Ashley as the Goth one or the one that's engaged to a giant (J/K BOTH EXAMPLES ARE MARY KATE). This is not necessarily a bad thing! It's actually pretty great, as long as you love who your partner is. You could what we do and craft your joint-identity together. Or you could be complete opposites and that can be your "thing."<br />
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Moving onto the pros! Number one pro: <b>work is fun.</b> Having someone to laugh with and bounce ideas off of is pretty amazing. When you write alone, you find yourself in your own head a lot and questioning whether or not this joke is funny or if Zombie Ben Franklin would say that to Vampire John Wilkes Booth. When you have a partner, work = laughter, and the more laughter you have, the more confidence you have in your script.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">HAHAHA drinking melted Jell-o is the BAHST!</td></tr>
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<b>You get to keep your sanity.</b> There are times when it's a lot, and it's really great to have someone you can split the load with. Or even just to have someone you can unload with at the end of a stressful day who knows exactly where you're coming from. Because everyone needs a good cathartic yell-fest once in awhile, amirite??<br />
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<b>You get stuff DONE.</b> This means two things, actually. 1 - you have motivation to work because someone else's livelihood and nail polish addiction is depending on you. 2 - you get things done faster because two people are like one person, but double. PEOPLE MATH.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Basically us. One of us is her nails, the other one is her hair.</td></tr>
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<b>The unknown is less scary.</b> If you're like me, you're easily daunted by things like a Big Meeting, a Corporate Mixer, and a Fancy Restroom With Futuristic Toilets. Not the case when you have a partner! Now you get to have your buddy at your side for the big Important Thing, for better or for worse. Even if things go downhill, at least you can laugh about it together afterwards. It's basically like having Liam Neeson on your team in a hostage situation.<br />
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We could go on and on about the benefits to having a partner. You have someone to challenge you, someone who laughs at your weird jokes, and someone to share your dreams and appetizers with. Most importantly, you have someone to carpool with to meetings on the west side! Obviously for us, the pros outweigh the cons, but everyone is a snowflake. A partnership might not be for you.<br />
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But I mean, it's like really really fun.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-84390048194134805992015-11-17T18:22:00.001-08:002015-11-17T18:22:19.849-08:00Fall...Now With More F***ing!As you might know from our <a href="http://www.lady-writers.com/2015/10/its-fing-fall.html" target="_blank">previous blog post</a>, fall is Joanna's favorite time of year. She loves it so much that she has this sign on her mantle...<br />
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...which was painstakingly made from a $3 kit from Target, a barbecue stick, and a printer. A few days ago, Jo was openly weeping over the fact that this is probably the last year she could have that sign up because Lilly will probably be able to read it next year. "WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO LEARN?" Joanna cried, salting her pumpkin spice latte with her tears. In an effort to console her, I joked that she'd only have to take it down for a few years, just until Lilly understands humor and possesses the self-control to not say the word from her mantle at school. "And when you bring it back, you can have a big ass marquis sign that says FUCKING FALL!" I said, wiping Joanna's tears with an infinity scarf. Joanna: "That is a brilliant idea except not for the future--for NOW." And with a crazy look in her eye, Joanna darted off to Hobby Lobby, leaving me in her living room with a look of confusion and a salty pumpkin spice latte.<br />
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A few hours later, I got a phone call from Joanna. She was lost in Hobby Lobby. Also she had spent $100 on supplies to make a Fucking Fall sign. Naturally, I craftgasmed and sang: "PROJECT!"<br />
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The next day, Joanna showed up with letters, a bundle of wood, glitter paints, gold leafing, fake berries, and root beer candy. We set to work. We started with fucking.<br />
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Then it was time for fall, which was way more complicated than fucking. First we had to drill holes into the wood to put lights through.<br />
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We were super proud of ourselves for being LADIES who HANDLED POWER TOOLS like BOSSES! Then it got more complicated so we gave up and got Chris to do it.<br />
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Then we painted the letters and tested it out. The first time we turned those lights on Joanna's face lit up like a Christmas tree that had been hit with a flame thrower.<br />
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The end product is AMAZING. No one will ever doubt Joanna's cult-like devotion to fall. AND we made "fucking" removable so fall can still be festive and the "fucking" will live on in our hearts. And in Joanna's closet until it's time to come back out.<br />
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YAAAY WE'RE RIDICULOUS!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-24206713305566140402015-10-07T15:04:00.000-07:002015-10-07T15:04:36.374-07:00It's F**ing FALL!Do you feel a chill in the wind? Do you step outside and hear the satisfying crunch of crisp leaves beneath your leather boots? Can you sense Mother Nature changing her song beneath the harvest moon as notes of maple envelop your senses like a cozy knitted scarf? No? It's still 90 degrees outside? Then you must live in Southern California too. But since all the grocery stores and coffee shops are coming out with their pumpkin flavored products anyway, we're gonna pretend it's fall already. YAAAY GOURDS!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We tried to take this picture together, but it was too hard to find a kindly passerby.<br />So instead we found a kindly boyfriend to make a gif!</td></tr>
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Fall is Joanna's favorite time of year. She loves it so much that this is her mantle:<br />
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...and she's preventing her kid from learning how to read so she can keep it.<br />
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What's not to love about fall? Thanks to the award winning scientists and/or nose magicians that work at Bath and Body works, everywhere you go it smells like a hug.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cozy Vanilla Cream! Crisp Morning Air! Fuzzy Blanket Frosting Pumpkin!<br />
That last one was made up but I'm wishing on a pumpkin for it to be real!</td></tr>
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Also, you can't beat fall attire. The plaids, the coats, the stylish ushankas... <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"There's a squirrel on my hand."</td></tr>
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And in LA we get to wear faux fall attire, like boots with whimsical socks and a skirt. Everywhere else, this would be considered insane. But here, it's so stylish we found this on gorgeutiful.com:<br />
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Not to mention, they keep coming out with new and inventive ways to stay warm. Restoration Hardware makes a great <a href="https://www.restorationhardware.com/catalog/product/product.jsp?productId=prod1654007" target="_blank">foot duvet</a>. And this, I believe, is a blanket made of pillows...<br />
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And these are bjorns made out of people.<br />
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Fall is a magical time, when parking lots go from a sad stretch of asphalt littered with trash to a wonderland of pumpkins and bounce houses littered with trash!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://blog.thereptilezoo.com/image.axd?picture=2012%2F10%2FIMG_0806.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://blog.thereptilezoo.com/image.axd?picture=2012%2F10%2FIMG_0806.jpg" height="290" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Where should I put my feet? Sinking ship, pirate ship, or tiger mouth?!"</td></tr>
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Forealsies though, fall is my favorite time of year. Mostly because of the limited edition fall snacks, but also because of Thanksgiving and togetherness. And Fall Dinner, which is an epic explosion of all things fall so big that it needs its own post. Stay tuned!<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-10041325522698265572015-10-03T13:52:00.000-07:002015-10-03T13:52:11.053-07:00Nuggets of WisdomWe're blogging again, which means we just finished another job! We get that we really need to be better about this. Maintaining this blog has become another one of those empty promises you make to yourself, like "I'll buy organic food once I can afford it" and "I'll have lunch with my friends once I have actual friends." But writing is hard, you guys. Everything we write is an art form, from a 15-word tweet to a 120 page screenplay. I believe this with my heart, my soul, and my wallet, because saying this means people will keep paying us to do it.<br />
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This job came with a lot of perks. We had a wonderful writers room, we were based on the Disney lot, and we had constant access to string cheese. Also they were holding auditions for a show in our hallway so every time we walked through, everyone looked at us hopefully and we felt important for, like, five seconds until they realized people dressed like us couldn't possibly have any power. Plus we learned a lot! For example...</div>
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Farts can cure cancer</h2>
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It's in <a href="http://time.com/2976464/rotten-eggs-hydrogen-sulfide-mitochondria/" target="_blank">Time Magazine</a>...'s website, so it must be true! Apparently hydrogen sulfite, which is found in farts, can help protect mitochondria which in turn generate energy in your cells, which is central to preventing diseases such as cancer, arthritis, and strokes. This, of course, led to a room bit that involved farting then saying "you're welcome." We later learned that smelling farts can also be toxic in large doses. So I guess the lesson is: if you're sick, it might be because of farts but also you can cure yourself with more farts. </div>
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How to eat an apple</h2>
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In addition to string cheese and Goldfish crackers, we had a steady stream of apples in the office (yes, we ate like 8 year-olds). One day, fellow writer and boss man Plattie ate an apple. Like, the entire apple except for the stem. We all looked at him like he was crazy and he looked at us like "what?" Joanna informed him that apple seeds have arsenic and I nodded knowingly even though this was news to me. The next time Plattie ate an apple he asked Joanna how to eat it without getting poisoned. Joanna: "Just eat it like a person." </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fun fact: all the pics of girls eating apples were cute, like they were taking dainty lady bites.<br />
All the pics of kids were like "IMMA PUT MY WHOLE FACE IN THIS APPLE!!"</td></tr>
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If you can't close a fridge door, there's probably something in the way.</h2>
One day, Plattie was having a hard time closing a fridge door. He repeatedly attempted to close it by slamming it over and over, to no avail. Fellow writer Lauren had enough. She walked over to the fridge, quickly assessed the situation and turned to Plattie. "You see this?" She pointed to a bottle on the floor between the fridge and the door. "This is why you couldn't close the door." She moved it, and the door closed! We learned how to close a fridge door and that Lauren was really good at "mom tone."<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.eatright.org/~/media/homefoodsafety/four%20steps/refrigerate/lurking%20in%20fridge%20v%20small.ashx?h=450&w=600&bc=" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.eatright.org/~/media/homefoodsafety/four%20steps/refrigerate/lurking%20in%20fridge%20v%20small.ashx?h=450&w=600&bc=" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Fridges are hard! Also, who keeps crackers in the fridge?"</td></tr>
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"What is a butt? It's like your legs end... in a butt."</h2>
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Those are just some words worth documenting from our fellow writer, Alex Reid.<br />
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Steak and eggs is what you should have for breakfast</h2>
It says so in this video that we watched all the time. I mean, this video that we staunchly ignored because we were hard at work.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-30206409916394427472015-10-01T00:33:00.000-07:002015-10-01T00:44:44.957-07:00Cheese flavored corn productsI have a problem. I eat way too many cheese flavored corn products. I know what you're thinking - "That's an oddly specific thing to eat a lot of. Also, what is Fetty Wap?" I can't help you with part two of that question. I think it's a Fraggle or maybe the name of a Garbage Pail Kid? But back to the corn thing - it IS weirdly specific but also not because I can name ten CFCP's and still feel like I'm leaving some out! And I WILL do that, even though I'm probably the only one who's even remotely interested in this, because if you can't be your weird self on the internet, then what is the point of Chris Hardwick?<br />
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10. Baked Cheetos</h2>
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I know diet people and skinny news anchors lie about this all the time, but these taste just like the regular thing! They are crunchy little gnarled fingers of goodness and they won't break the caloric bank. I give them my cheese stamp of approval. That sounds dirty.</div>
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<a href="http://www.fritolay.com/images/default-source/blue-bag-image/cheetos-oven-baked-crunchy-cheese.png?sfvrsn=2" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.fritolay.com/images/default-source/blue-bag-image/cheetos-oven-baked-crunchy-cheese.png?sfvrsn=2" height="320" width="221" /></a></div>
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9. Mac N' Cheese Puffs</h2>
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You can only find these at Sprouts and Whole Foods type places but they're pretty darn good and shaped like tubes. I like to pretend they're flavor tunnels because I'm weird and I have an iron deficiency.</div>
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8. Skinny Pop White Cheddar</h2>
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Fair warning - it is "Skinny Pop" so it's not like there's a burst of cheese flavor. It's more like a gentle sprinkling of cheese-like dust. But it's like a Lean Cuisine - if you keep eating it, your mouth forgets to compare it to better things. And at 100 cals for 3.5 cups, you can't really complain.</div>
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<a href="http://www.plummarket.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/8/5/850251004179_3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.plummarket.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/8/5/850251004179_3.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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7. Pirate Booty</h2>
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In my humble opinion, the mother of all CFCP's. You just can't beat Pirate Booty. Not only is it a classic snack that has stood the test of time, it's also the only thing I can keep down when I'm hungover. Because it's delicate, yet flavorful, and 80% of it is air.</div>
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6. Chiz Curls</h2>
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This is a weird one. This is a filipino-brand cheese snack that I used to get when I was a kid. It's SUPER oily and not nearly as crunchy as some of this other stuff, but it will always hold a special place in my heart because it's something my parents gave me to make me shut up. It's like an oily reminder that I can get anything I want if I just keep talking.</div>
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5. Cheetos Bag of Bones</h2>
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Okay, this just came out and I'm pretty excited about it. If there's 2 things that get me, it's cheese flavored corn products and seasonal snacks. This is both! It's basically white cheddar Cheetos shaped like skeleton parts. It is gooood. I highly recommend getting it and trying to assemble a skeleton by pulling out random handfuls so you can be like "Oh noooo, now I gotta eat the parts I don't need."</div>
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4. Trader Joe's Baconesque Popcorn</h2>
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Trader Joe's continues to be innovative yet pandering to hipsters with this vegetarian-friendly bacon white cheddar popcorn. It really does taste like bacon, in a bac'n bits kind of way. And on the front of the bag, there's a picture of a proper lady assaulting a gentleman with her opinion! So scandalous!</div>
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3. Fresh and Easy Pirate Treasure</h2>
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You're probably thinking "that doesn't count - that's the same as Pirate Booty!" But you'd be wrong and I'd slap you for such an outburst! The consistency of this knockoff Pirate Booty is way different - not as crunchy but it has more flavor. It's like every fifth piece of Pirate Booty. PB purists know what I'm talking about.</div>
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2. Popcorner's White Cheddar</h2>
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If you're a fan of rice cakes but more flavorful and in the shape of a triangle, then you'll love these things. They come in other flavors, like cheesy jalapeño and kettle corn, but white cheddar is the best. I guess you can call me a white cheddar supremacist. And you'd be right but you'd also be a jerk for making a joke about race via cheese analogies.</div>
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1. Pirate Booty Crunchy Treasures</h2>
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If Pirate Booty is the mother of all CFCP's, then this is like the grandmother on steroids. Unlike regular Pirate Booty, Crunchy Treasures comes in all kinds of pirate-themed shapes like an anchor, a wheel, and a squiggle. And even though it's God's gift to mouths, it's super hard to find. I think it had an experimental release about a year ago, wherein I stocked up on bags of it because the things I love always get taken away from me (RIP, mint Kit Kats). I literally wrote letters to Pirate Booty demanding they bring it back, but to no avail. Recently I resorted to ordering a case from <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Pirates-Booty-White-Cheddar-Treasures/dp/B00S80P9GY/ref=sr_1_fkmr2_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1443683753&sr=8-2-fkmr2&keywords=pirate+booty+crunchy+treasures" target="_blank">Amazon</a> and now I have a treasure box of PBCT in my garage that I can tap into when I need my fix. I highly recommend you do the same. Because as you can see from the sad, sad list I've compiled, I'm an expert on this stuff. And if you can't be an expert on things that don't matter on the internet, then what is the point of being a millennial?!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-57074514712450615762014-08-13T10:42:00.002-07:002015-09-30T17:47:07.677-07:00<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Soooo, like Kristine said - it's been a while since we've blogged. Not because we haven't had thoughts, because we have. I mean we're basically Plato .... if Plato wasn't profound in any way. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.stenudd.com/greekphilosophers/images/plato4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.stenudd.com/greekphilosophers/images/plato4.jpg" height="320" width="231" /></a></span></div>
What was I writing about? I got distracted by finding this boss picture of Plato. He had a wonky nose, no? Or is that just a bad day for the sculptor? Or just time eroding his stony nose parts? Hmmmm. Well. Much like getting to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop, the world may never know. Well they probably do, but I don't so... Why haven't we been writing on our blog? Simple answer. We've been losing our f-ing minds. And we've been busy. Like crazy busy. But here are some of tangential things that we've learned over the last six months that I thought we'd share with you.<br />
<br />Termite Farts are majorly responsible for Global Warming. Whaaaatttt? It's true. Google that shit. They are the second largest contributor to methane emissions. Crazy right? I wish my farts could be that epic. Nope. I immediately take that back. Everyone would be so mad at me, I'd end up in jail or not allowed to eat any of the foods that make me happy. Sooo I'm good with my non- epic farts.<br />
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GLUTEN isn't our friend. Guys, this was a sad sad day in our lives. If you know us at all, you know how much Kristine loves baking a ton and I love eating a ton. So avoiding gluten has been pretty sad. No more of this stuff for us. Soft weeping sounds.<br />
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Boooooooo!</div>
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Next up:<br />There are at least forty five sexual positions we didn't know about before having to research them. Yep. That was part of our job. We got paid to do that. Just let that marinate for a little while. I was gonna post a picture of this one but then decided I don't know what the blogger policy on computer animated sex positions was. But if you get the chance look up the "Sultry Saddle" I just like saying it. It's funny.<br />
<br />We learned about testosterone injections. Apparently if you over do it, the testosterone turns into estrogen in your body. Crazy right? So you go from this:<br />
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to... this:</div>
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Who knew? I'm not sure which one is worse honestly. Because it'd be awesome to be strong but a good cry is also so nice sometimes, ya know? And lets be serious - neither look is especially attractive.<br />
<br />We also learned about the Bechdel test. Which yes, we had no idea about. We are lousy feminists. But for all of you who are too - here you go. These are the rules - IN A MOVIE or a WORK OF FICTION - ARE THERE...<br />
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??? If so, the movie passes if not - it fails. You'd be surprised how many movies fail. I know I was. Like really surprised.<br />
<br />And yes we did learn that Ghosts apparently sweat the Hoff. But look at him. How could they not? I get it Building 131 Ghost, I really do....<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13163335226119812586noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-22566079119636415872014-08-12T17:02:00.001-07:002014-08-12T17:02:45.371-07:00We're back!<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As you can see from the six month gap in entries, we’ve been MIA for a while. I know what you’re thinking: did we got knocked up and go into hiding until the shame baby came out? Answer: no. That would be a terrible thing to do, both because babies are a gift and hiding is hard. We’ve just been working our butts off on season 3 of <a href="http://www.tbs.com/shows/sullivan-son.html" target="_blank">Sullivan & Son</a> and our <a href="http://deadline.com/2014/07/the-man-in-the-high-castle-just-add-magic-amazon-studios-pilots-809111/" target="_blank">Amazon pilot.</a> But now that we’re done we can finally come up for air and do all the things we kept telling ourselves we’d do when we had the time, like update this blog, watch Scandal, and shower regularly!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The past six months have probably changed our lives forever. We'll always have part of this experience nestled deep within creative DNA of our hearts...and our souls. Naturally, we’re going to do justice to that change by writing 4 brief paragraphs about the things we’ve learned.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1. People are awesome.</span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We had the pleasure of working with some of the funniest, most talented group of writers you’ll ever meet, and here’s the kicker--all of them were NICE. Unbelievably nice. There were probably as many fart jokes as there were offers to get anyone something from the kitchen. That probably doesn’t sound like much, but when you think about how many fart jokes are pitched and how often talented people are jerks, it’s really saying something. When we go on meetings and tell people that everyone in the room got along, they raise their eyebrows in surprise and tell us how lucky we are. To which we reply: “We’re not lucky, we sacrifice three virgins to the goddess Tyche under the gibbous moon in exchange for tidings of good fortune and a discount at Zales.” #justkiddingwe’resuperlucky</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2. Craft services is dangerous.</span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Seriously, we’ve gained so much weight from being on this show. I’d like to say it was worth it for the laughs but I’d also like to put on my pants without help from a shoe horn. The craft services table was perpetually stocked with brownie trays, Porto’s cheese rolls, and an untouched cinnamon bundt cake. There was a separate room that had an espresso machine, an ice cream freezer, and gumball machines that didn’t take money. One day we were on stage in the morning and they had three trays of bacon. DIFFERENT TYPES OF BACON. Another time they had shrimp cocktail on a clamshell ice sculpture. It was like something out of a fancy banquet in The Little Mermaid. But not, because Ariel probably wouldn’t want to eat her friends off of something that looks like her bra made of ice.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">3. The Warner Bros lot is a magical place.</span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">You can be on a posh NYC brownstone one minute and a sketchy looking alley the next. One day we were almost run over by Clint Eastwood driving a golf cart and it was a memorable day because that happened PLUS I got Jamba Juice! There’s a room full of Batmobiles, a room of Dementors, a Starbucks AND a Coffee Bean. One night we were working late and we heard a huge explosion. We all rushed outside and saw a cloud of smoke. For a brief moment we debated driving over to see if anyone needed our help. Then we were like “duh, we’re on a lot, it’s probably Michael Bay blowing up a church for some reason.” And it turned out to be true, except it was Pretty Little Liars blowing up a church for some reason. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">4. Ghosts are weird.</span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">For a long time, we kept hearing this story about how the building we were working in was haunted because a writer committed suicide in it. No one had that many details on it; they just heard from a friend of a friend that that happened and it was this building. So naturally, we brushed it off as a sad attempt to scare writers off of the show to make room for someone’s brother-in-law’s car wash guy who could really use a break. But I did hear some strange noises and there were definitely some creepy vibes in the hallway, but that could be because there were no lights in there except for the red exit sign and it looked like something out of Total Recall. One night, Joanna and I were working late, we went to our boss’s office to ask him a question, and came back to our office ten minutes later. Joanna: “Um, were you using my laptop?” Me: “No. Why?” Joanna: “Because the wikipedia page for David Hasselhoff is up. And I did not look him up.” WHAAA?! Conclusion: there is indeed a ghost haunting building #131 on the Warner lot, and he’s a big fan of David Hasselhoff. </span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-46230721668343140642014-02-14T00:25:00.000-08:002014-02-14T00:25:24.230-08:00Bad Romance<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Valentine’s day is coming up and with it comes all kinds of quote/unquote “romantic” propaganda. I can’t turn on the TV without seeing ads for things like flowers, flower shaped fruits, heart shaped chocolates, and Christian shaped soulmates. Call me a pessimist, but I don’t see how any of that stuff equates romance. Maybe it’s because I’m dead inside. Or maybe it’s just that defying expectations brings me joy. It’s right up there with warm blankets from the dryer and watching babies deal with a piece of tape for the first time.</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-548fc704-2a66-be40-5e04-9d8154fd40dc" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Beaches</span></span></h2>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I’ve never been a big fan of the beach. It’s smelly, it’s hard to park, the ocean air leaves a film on your skin, and you’ll be haunted by sand granules for days. It’s just a big hassle. Sure you can have a lovely view of the sunset...but so what? It’s not like you can look directly into it.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwZRXGmM3IXoQPyj2Engx5tPrJocnq2z9hiBFQXphNO1eW6P8kuCs21KPgbRmWe-DQ0zTbpEnDIzUejUhQMguDcbUB3NucyCpZYZXMmzUpxPPhIIXhXTV4JTkaoJwKB3ffyqQd5vX91eo/s1600/CK_beach.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwZRXGmM3IXoQPyj2Engx5tPrJocnq2z9hiBFQXphNO1eW6P8kuCs21KPgbRmWe-DQ0zTbpEnDIzUejUhQMguDcbUB3NucyCpZYZXMmzUpxPPhIIXhXTV4JTkaoJwKB3ffyqQd5vX91eo/s1600/CK_beach.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Actual cheesy picture my boyfriend and I took at the beach. Because we're cool.</td></tr>
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<h2>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jewelry</span></span></h2>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I might be in the minority here, but I don’t see the big appeal of jewelry. It’s just so expensive for so little return. When I find out how much jewelry costs, all I can think about is how many cookies I can buy for that much money. The exception, of course, is Swarovski crystals.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<a href="http://thecomicscomic.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/jamiefoxx-snl-swarovski-585x329.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://thecomicscomic.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/jamiefoxx-snl-swarovski-585x329.jpg" height="223" width="400" /></a></div>
<h2>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Chocolate</span></span></h2>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Okay, don’t get me wrong - I understand liking chocolate as a concept. I don’t understand how it’s romantic. It’s messy, it has an uncanny resemblance to crap, and it’s likely to fall down your shirt and melt onto your body. (Sounds like it could be kinky, but in reality it’s just uncomfortable.)</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<a href="http://static.indianexpress.com/m-images/Wed%20Apr%2024%202013,%2017:04%20hrs/M_Id_379545_Eating_Chocolate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://static.indianexpress.com/m-images/Wed%20Apr%2024%202013,%2017:04%20hrs/M_Id_379545_Eating_Chocolate.jpg" height="241" width="400" /></a></div>
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<h2>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Movies</span></span></h2>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Movies seem to be a typical “date night” trope. But do they still keep that appeal after high school? I get that when you’re young and cheap it’s a good excuse to be alone in the dark with someone, but there are plenty of other ways to do this when you’re older. If the thought is that seeing people make out on screen will inspire you to make out in real life, then by that logic you can get the same result by watching the CW for five minutes.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.stepbystep.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Great-Movie-Date-Outfit-Ideas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.stepbystep.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Great-Movie-Date-Outfit-Ideas.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">#normal</td></tr>
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<h2>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Up-do’s with, like, tendrils and braids</span></span></h2>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Go ahead and Google "romantic updos". This is the kind of stuff that comes up? Why does this hairstyle scream “romantic girl”? Who wants hair dangling in front of their eyes? It’s really annoying in real life. I imagine. I don’t have the patience to arrange my hair this way.</span></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.hairstylesguide.org/wp-content/uploads/Updo-Hairstyles-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.hairstylesguide.org/wp-content/uploads/Updo-Hairstyles-4.jpg" height="312" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://tranquilitysalon.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/updo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://tranquilitysalon.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/updo.jpg" height="320" width="261" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-72033715984792693882014-02-09T13:10:00.000-08:002014-02-09T13:10:19.998-08:00We have jobs!<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">…</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">…</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">…</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid--16a588e-1862-8a9e-0cb7-fd9d88466f70" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">That was the brief pause I took just now to do a celebratory dance. It looked a little bit like this:</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm2mwaY0R91qii6tmo1_250.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm2mwaY0R91qii6tmo1_250.gif" height="300" width="400" /></span></a></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">Joanna and I are the newest staff writers for </span><a href="http://www.tbs.com/shows/sullivan-and-son/" style="line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;" target="_blank">Sullivan and Son</a><span style="line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> on TBS. We’ve been employed for two whole weeks now and we couldn’t be more excited. I’m sure we’ll have tons of stories to tell, ¼ of which will be okay to share with you. </span></span><br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When we first got the job offer, a litany of thoughts went through my mind:</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
<h2>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Thought #1: Sweet! I have a job!</span></span></h2>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">No longer will I have to come up with new and creative ways to say “I’m unemployed.” (Past euphemisms include “We’re doing our own thing”, “We’re freelancing”, and “We’re waiting to hear back from Anthropologie.”) It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The burden of finding a job is gone...and replaced with the much heavier burden of doing well in said job and bringing honor to my family. Yaaaaay…?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdIRm1f0oPWInPeIZTZIJyyDgfXiutCVRsI8u3N3pkGmbZkMw4SxxPmTEok7pJ63oOC7pJ2vKrFpvLxCOxLeT9SxMxTbUb5FgV7y9e5SMCjAJXnCVYRmFl383p74RZguo2E-VBcT_aMDZd/s640/4178246900_43b216a053.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdIRm1f0oPWInPeIZTZIJyyDgfXiutCVRsI8u3N3pkGmbZkMw4SxxPmTEok7pJ63oOC7pJ2vKrFpvLxCOxLeT9SxMxTbUb5FgV7y9e5SMCjAJXnCVYRmFl383p74RZguo2E-VBcT_aMDZd/s640/4178246900_43b216a053.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It's a shame. We would have been great at making these intricate window displays<br />out of the repurposed notebooks we wrote all our bad ideas in.</span></td></tr>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
<h2>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Thought #2: Crap. I have to wear real pants.</span></span></h2>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Working from home has spoiled us in the waistband department. You don’t have to care what you look like when the only person you’re seeing all day has an intimate knowledge of what happens to your body when you eat kale. Lots of yoga pants, shorts, and outfits that can only be described as “panhandling chic” were worn over the past six months. So anything that’s not elastic feels like chain metal. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://image.dhgate.com/albu_335989401_00-1.0x0/2013-spring-womens-all-match-wide-leg-loose.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="http://image.dhgate.com/albu_335989401_00-1.0x0/2013-spring-womens-all-match-wide-leg-loose.jpg" height="400" width="356" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This was basically us... with 98% more style. BTW, this came up when<br />I Googled "yoga pants casual." It's a thing!</span></td></tr>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
<h2>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Thought #3: Sweet! I’ll have easy access to pie!</span></span></h2>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Working in an office means you get all kinds of free food (doubly so when you’re working in TV. Craft services is the devil in the form of a delightful charcuterie plate). Add that to the fact that we’re on the Warner Bros lot, which has a farmers market every other Wednesday where our friends at <a href="http://www.iheartpies.com/" target="_blank">I Heart Pies</a> sell their stuff. I’m not kidding when I say this is like the third thing that popped into my mind when I got this job. If you haven’t tasted the magic that is a Butterbeer Pie, you haven’t lived.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.iheartpies.com/files/stacks_image_321.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="http://www.iheartpies.com/files/stacks_image_321.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
<h2>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Thought #4: Crap. I have to filter my thoughts.</span></span></h2>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We’re so used to just being around each other that I’m pretty sure I’ve forgotten how to be around other people. You know, normal people. When left to our own devices, Joanna and I can get into some super weird tangents. And we delve into those super weird tangents until we’re like: “Is it bad that we’re talking about the decrepit living state of twentysomethings when we should be writing a My Little Pony script?” So now we have to stay focused and give our new co-workers the impression that we’re “normal”. At least in the beginning. We can only hold back for so long. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://img.izismile.com/img/img3/20100725/640/dreadful_and_weird_640_15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="http://img.izismile.com/img/img3/20100725/640/dreadful_and_weird_640_15.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I couldn't think of an image to go with this so I Googled "weird" and this came up.</span></td></tr>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
<h2>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Thought #5: Meh. I’ll have money and that’s all that really matters.</span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I can buy all the <a href="http://www.lady-writers.com/2013/06/money-saving-tips.html" target="_blank">experimental chips</a> I want. #AmericanDream</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-23752401056276552312014-01-05T13:41:00.000-08:002014-01-05T13:42:11.084-08:00Observations from being on a cleanse<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://tomboykc.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Pressed-Juicery-Cleanse.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="http://tomboykc.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Pressed-Juicery-Cleanse.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sup guys. It’s 2014 and I’ve been eating a lot of fried things and seasonal candies, so I’m on a juice cleanse right now. The first day is always the best/worst - it feels like the worst but it makes for the best stories because I feel like my mind is only halfway here. Here are some of my halfway thoughts:</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-421b0916-6449-450c-3ae1-d9fa064454b5" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m kind of ADD right now</span></span></h2>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This is the 2nd blog entry I’ve started. I’m currently going back and forth between making notes on a script, writing blog entries, reading a book, reading articles on HelloGiggles, and getting things I’ve been meaning to buy on Amazon. If you were watching me right now, you’d see me look pensively into the distance every now and then. That’s me thinking about what the sixth thing should be.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJEOcWFKw9vSLiTXu57K5ddxNs8JNkpQfJNnzsKgPsKC4GvOLdBswP5GBQst4t9uG6OOCgnEPUuLhn9OJKA4z5vUW28PXpCVD6rM10gnMSnuhV0mSFSFQcPmCfpJGWJJCW9F7kZnUPGCA/s1600/screennewyears.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJEOcWFKw9vSLiTXu57K5ddxNs8JNkpQfJNnzsKgPsKC4GvOLdBswP5GBQst4t9uG6OOCgnEPUuLhn9OJKA4z5vUW28PXpCVD6rM10gnMSnuhV0mSFSFQcPmCfpJGWJJCW9F7kZnUPGCA/s640/screennewyears.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is my screen right now. A gazillion tabs open on my browser and two scripts open in the BG.</td></tr>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
<h2>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m also super ambitious</span></span></h2>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Maybe it’s because doing a cleanse seems like a big undertaking and so far I’m FUCKING DOING IT (it’s literally been 3 hours). Maybe it’s because it’s the New Year and the resolution bug has gotten to me. Whatever it is, I’m feeling super ambitious right now, but about weird things. I’ll come across an article that says such-and-such show was underrated and I’m like “Totally. I don’t know what that show is but I’m adding Season 1 to my Amazon cart right now.” Or I’ll remember one thing that happened to me over winter break and think “That could totally be a show. Yes. We’re writing it. We’ll have to take a trip to Texas to research this thing, but we can do it and write the pilot in a month. 2014!”</span></span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m933bu8uZl1rpf23po1_250.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m933bu8uZl1rpf23po1_250.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I literally feel like Chris Traeger right now.</td></tr>
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<h2>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I care but I don’t</span></span></h2>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When you tell people you’re on a cleanse, they either react with a forced “Good for you!” or an “Ew, why?” In the past, I’ve avoided talking about cleansing if I can because it seems so LA cliche and because I know it sucks and it’s hard to defend yourself when you aren’t gung-ho about what you’re defending. And maybe it’s because I’ve been getting a lot of grief about it and I’ve developed an immunity or maybe it’s because this juice is cutting off the self-conscious part of my brain, but right now I’m like LET ME LIVE MY LIFE. IT’S ONLY THREE DAYS AND YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO DEAL WITH ME. ALSO THIS JUICE TASTES GOOD AND I’M GETTING SHIT DONE!</span></span></div>
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<a href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m72ow8JMd41qit9o7o1_500.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m72ow8JMd41qit9o7o1_500.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna drink more juice and like, write a novel or something.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-63685178180879063052013-12-23T19:53:00.000-08:002013-12-23T19:53:44.977-08:00The Man Basket<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Are you looking for a present for a man in your life? Do you know little about said man except for the fact that he’s a man and should therefore like manly things? Well, us ladywriters are here to help. In the form of...a MAN BASKET.</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-661d3b0e-2166-8b01-ce49-bb62e03535da" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We wanted to get gift baskets for some of the lovely people in our life, including our agents and managers. We have an awesome team of people rallying for us, and we wanted to express our gratitude in the form of baked goods and thoughtful presents artfully wrapped in cellophane. But then we got to thinking...our agents are three dudes. And “gift basket” doesn’t exactly scream dude. SO WHY NOT MAKE A MAN BASKET??</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We started thinking about all the things that--to us--scream MAN. And that quickly got out of hand (and out of budget because apparently pet wolves are not cheap) so we whittled it down to these manly essentials:</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A gut hook and hatchet combo set</span></span></h2>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLECscreBXebdltWNpdFvKNlMCoduqFQytzDPwanmY7mRKchoXC5810KR4ytWkcHvSVAuz-VrzYmiMJ4YWkDzfMs_RKx8x8SK2yiTNgeI6EEjXUBoqpslCOZWWTshnxYRpLv1WfVaG4Bw/s1600/guthookandhatchet.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLECscreBXebdltWNpdFvKNlMCoduqFQytzDPwanmY7mRKchoXC5810KR4ytWkcHvSVAuz-VrzYmiMJ4YWkDzfMs_RKx8x8SK2yiTNgeI6EEjXUBoqpslCOZWWTshnxYRpLv1WfVaG4Bw/s640/guthookandhatchet.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We initially started looking for cheap tomahawks but those are surprisingly hard to find. But this combo set was close enough. Plus there are two things in the box so we figured two of our guys could pick a weapon then stab the other guy before he complained.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Hot sauce</span></span></h2>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5OxCcFuYXKGrrNwfTqLqzf2F61-meoU1aWQf6wuERl-t_1LFHt_w4UyttkSzxPz3D2XcM-GS2cnPRnXK4REFvYTW2SRB6LKBkP6P2xKQcYLe5rBhYbrLaaO00m2tNmKbSn7_149Mqy-M/s1600/hotsauce.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5OxCcFuYXKGrrNwfTqLqzf2F61-meoU1aWQf6wuERl-t_1LFHt_w4UyttkSzxPz3D2XcM-GS2cnPRnXK4REFvYTW2SRB6LKBkP6P2xKQcYLe5rBhYbrLaaO00m2tNmKbSn7_149Mqy-M/s640/hotsauce.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Nothing says “manly” like putting yourself through all kinds of hell just to prove you can deal with it. And with names like Devil’s Revenge and Ass Blaster, this hot sauce collection is like a test of manliness contained within a tiny-yet-masculine bottle. Ingesting this without dying is akin to pinning a man badge of honor directly onto your testicles.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Duke Cannon Big Ass Brick of Soap</span></span></h2>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn_4j4zk5arcGegINhgRHzreajomcqfVcUNzER6E8XmfjToN_ZIDZBH-BxuV2sOT3ISf8xm1J6678aSZRAA9BS9eBkBCzHhMXzMVz3R5pAPyA9v9ns6wqG14hbzXOThYLL9R3LQXtPilA/s1600/dukecannon.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn_4j4zk5arcGegINhgRHzreajomcqfVcUNzER6E8XmfjToN_ZIDZBH-BxuV2sOT3ISf8xm1J6678aSZRAA9BS9eBkBCzHhMXzMVz3R5pAPyA9v9ns6wqG14hbzXOThYLL9R3LQXtPilA/s640/dukecannon.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">You’d probably think that something like soap can’t possibly be manly. THINK AGAIN. Duke Cannon soap clearly states that it “smells like victory.” I could try and convince you that contrary to what Bath and Body Works would have you believe, soap can be a very manly thing. I could try...or I could copy/paste from the Duke Cannon website:</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">THE DUKE CANNON SUPPLY CO. BIG ASS BRICK OF SOAP IS DESIGNED TO MEET THE HIGH STANDARDS OF HARD WORKING MEN WHO WANT TO GET CLEAN AND SMELL GOOD WITHOUT USING FEMININE SHOWER GELS AND ACCESSORIES. TRUE TO ITS NAME, OUR SOAP IS BIG (10 OZ.) AND WILL LAST MUCH LONGER THAN THE CHICK-SIZED BARS IN YOUR LOCAL GROCERY. IT ALSO SMELLS AWESOME (CLEAN, FRESH SCENT) AND CONTAINS STEEL CUT GRAINS FOR MAXIMUM GRIPABILITY. IF YOU ENJOY ACTIVITIES LIKE DRINKING AMERICAN BEER OR USING POWER TOOLS, THEN FRANKLY, THIS IS THE ONLY SOAP MEANT FOR YOU.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
<h2>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Man Candles</span></span></h2>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAUbUNGiVgULTwXe3h-0Cia9aINlOF32U9mQVWcgTySJP2dc7m_9J6xAajZTgmlKNrcswDk7S2-vNI9Bgb6CZv2dYwo1HCpIbRikHMrGmgB2u4FOr2FfGcunFMXvsiNfohyphenhyphenFNAJZ_NqX0/s1600/mancandles.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAUbUNGiVgULTwXe3h-0Cia9aINlOF32U9mQVWcgTySJP2dc7m_9J6xAajZTgmlKNrcswDk7S2-vNI9Bgb6CZv2dYwo1HCpIbRikHMrGmgB2u4FOr2FfGcunFMXvsiNfohyphenhyphenFNAJZ_NqX0/s640/mancandles.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The Yankee Candle company apparently makes a line of Man Candles with scents such as Riding Mower, 2x4, Mmm Bacon, and Man Town. And while I wouldn't put myself through the torture of lighting a candle that smells like bacon without actually cooking bacon, we just couldn't say no to a scent called Man Town.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Beef Jerky</span></span></h2>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVY5m9JpYRnL8OwOcgjtD4Cgvo65gC1H1UMn2__pGYzMlFBzGAiA46h0fSeELYkOsHQnmU8uhkmFfA7ErKa48I86cegl4q2AuB6JWzGAVYt7OiXg4oShPhTYvTCgt7bYcWSrY6dGGaz94/s1600/jerky.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVY5m9JpYRnL8OwOcgjtD4Cgvo65gC1H1UMn2__pGYzMlFBzGAiA46h0fSeELYkOsHQnmU8uhkmFfA7ErKa48I86cegl4q2AuB6JWzGAVYt7OiXg4oShPhTYvTCgt7bYcWSrY6dGGaz94/s640/jerky.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Possibly the most “normal” thing we included in our man basket. It is a fact that men like meat. And maybe that’s a stereotype perpetuated by truck drivers and Ron Swanson, but it’s also a stereotype that women like shoes and receiving jewelry in slow motion on the beach. The reason I bring this up is not to say that we should stop stereotyping based on gender, but that we should all agree that it’s ridiculous and keep doing it anyway.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Bag of rocks</span></span></h2>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLmhyphenhyphenF7r066pvtJ-OdwvjxIJHZCEz7dWH4tD2xr7sllKPcjdVtZEpS3MCDTs3KekE59SjWMlEQeMp-9EWV5Q8TuWE99tmyiYmwWkDykDqtzaRMsIIGEeENlKZoDH2xLEoBTWGAxpCVjeY/s1600/bagofrocks.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLmhyphenhyphenF7r066pvtJ-OdwvjxIJHZCEz7dWH4tD2xr7sllKPcjdVtZEpS3MCDTs3KekE59SjWMlEQeMp-9EWV5Q8TuWE99tmyiYmwWkDykDqtzaRMsIIGEeENlKZoDH2xLEoBTWGAxpCVjeY/s640/bagofrocks.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">HAHAHAHA (with tears in our eyes). That was our reaction to the thought of including a bag of rocks in our man basket. It was $2 so we f**ing did it.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">To make this basket as manly as possible, we unceremoniously threw all this stuff into a trash can and wrapped it with a duct tape bow while Mulan's "I'll Make a Man out of You" played softly in the background.</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCwh9RuKgbxSlaASNPOScw2lZOVRKFJa4Az36ju-c0kD92XSUeKPm4KmGuQRk6xKKVy_gbMJLUxbhOXEy07tyOUXBykPV6e0rVAujm5exq0isTJ9Qe4CO_IUJKfR6raveExPRsJzq7uQw/s1600/manbasket.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCwh9RuKgbxSlaASNPOScw2lZOVRKFJa4Az36ju-c0kD92XSUeKPm4KmGuQRk6xKKVy_gbMJLUxbhOXEy07tyOUXBykPV6e0rVAujm5exq0isTJ9Qe4CO_IUJKfR6raveExPRsJzq7uQw/s640/manbasket.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It was glorious. And heavy. And it screamed of man. Or it screamed of ridiculous ladies who get carried away too easily. Probably the latter. </span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-45861745319423895262013-12-01T18:52:00.000-08:002013-12-01T18:53:47.522-08:00The person I want to be<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">There are days when I think I’m a pretty awesome person. I mean, I smell good, my slipper tan is fading, I can flip an over easy egg - I got a lot of good things going for me. But as my Asian parents told me whenever I came home with an A, there’s always room for improvement. An A is just an A+ that didn’t push itself hard enough. So I’ve been thinking about how I can push myself to be a better person and I came up with a list. And that list was super long so I distilled it to the things I’m comfortable sharing with strangers.</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-58086293-b127-4d8a-8cb5-d5ac97947e96" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<a href="http://de-motivational-posters.com/images/goals-it-39-s-important-to-set-them.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="307" src="http://de-motivational-posters.com/images/goals-it-39-s-important-to-set-them.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">someone who goes for a morning jog</span></span></h2>
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<a href="http://www.projectswole.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/morning-exercise.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://www.projectswole.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/morning-exercise.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nothing says “I’m a determined, disciplined person” like someone who goes for a morning jog. It’s the crack of dawn and you’re doing something that requires physical effort so you’re doing two things that defy the laws of fun. I like running and all, but I can count the number of times I’ve gone on a </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">morning</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> run on one hand. It’s just so early and you haven’t had a chance to eat anything so you don’t feel like you have to justify running yet. The only thing fueling you is sheer willpower and the anticipatory satisfaction of telling your barista you </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">did</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> something before even getting your coffee. That’s dedication. Or masochistic. It’s a close call.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">someone who grows their own tomatoes </span></span></h2>
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<a href="http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/forestpath/forestpath1006/forestpath100600025/7266339-happy-man-in-his-tomato-garden.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/forestpath/forestpath1006/forestpath100600025/7266339-happy-man-in-his-tomato-garden.jpg" width="275" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m always impressed when people grow their own tomatoes. I don’t know why. We have an herb garden but for some reason it’s not as impressive as tomatoes. The words “You taste that hint of basil? Thanks. I grew that basil” don’t have the same weight as “You like that caprese salad? Thanks. The tomatoes were from my garden. You’re eating the vegetable-fruits of my labor.” Maybe it’s because there’s a little more work that goes into tomato growing. You have to look out for bugs and fend off woodland creatures and put all these things into the soil for optimal tomato plumpness. For whatever reason, growing your own tomatoes seems like an impressive feat to me and I’m super short so I have to find these roundabout ways to be impressive. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">someone who’s familiar with classic movies</span></span></h2>
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<a href="http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x56/amtrak12/Gif%20Collection/tumblr_lplf0k0MCK1qgh3dgo1_500.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="198" src="http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x56/amtrak12/Gif%20Collection/tumblr_lplf0k0MCK1qgh3dgo1_500.gif" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m not good about watching movies but I wish I was because movie references are a semi-universal language of cool. You can bond with a complete stranger over your love of a certain movie </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> you’d understand 15% more 30 Rock and Community jokes. And it’s even better when you reference classic movies because classic movies have more clout. You wouldn’t judge someone for not seeing X Men: First Class but you will judge them if they haven’t seen The Godfather. It’s probably because classic movies have stood the test of time...or because it’s harder to watch newer movies for free.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">someone who has an abundance of musically talented friends</span></span></h2>
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<a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/7f/Broken_social_scene_manc.jpg/800px-Broken_social_scene_manc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/7f/Broken_social_scene_manc.jpg/800px-Broken_social_scene_manc.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I have some musically talented friends but I feel like if I had a TON of them life would be a super entertaining non-stop jam session. Like I wouldn’t be able to go a week without producing an acoustic cover of a rap song or a short but hilarious jingle about the food we’re eating. Sure it might be annoying after awhile, but the important thing is that it seems like a good time to an outside observer.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">someone who reserves money for bums in a separate pocket in my purse</span></span></h2>
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<a href="http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/micro10x/micro10x1006/micro10x100600094/7466872-a-young-woman-is-holding-a-cash-filled-purse-and-waves-back-over-her-shoulder--vertical-shot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/micro10x/micro10x1006/micro10x100600094/7466872-a-young-woman-is-holding-a-cash-filled-purse-and-waves-back-over-her-shoulder--vertical-shot.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Fun fact: someone actually does do this and that person is Joanna Lewis. She keeps a stash of cash in an easy-to-access outside pocket of her purse so she doesn’t have to root around for it. BECAUSE SHE DOES IT SO FREQUENTLY THAT IT’S A PROBLEM. It takes a really, truly good person to do or even need something like this. And for the record, Joanna does all kinds of crazy nice things like talking to the survey takers at the mall, praying for people when they ask for it on Facebook, and braking for slow-moving pedestrians - even in super busy West Hollywood type areas. So yeah, one of my goals is to be half as nice as she is. But I won’t stop for survey takers. I have my limits.</span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-56779443100394129332013-11-14T14:24:00.003-08:002013-12-01T18:33:32.060-08:00What Have We Been Up To?<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hey internet. It’s been awhile since we’ve last blogged and we don’t really have an excuse. But we have been doing things! Several things, in fact. Sometimes we do those things concurrently. Like eating Pirate Booty AND typing at the same time. It’s harder than you might think. You get a lot of crumbs on the keyboard if you’re not careful. #talent </span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here are some of the things we’ve been doing because the twelve people who read this are DYING TO KNOW! Or they’re just mildly curious.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Writing things</span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This blog is probably a bad example of it, but we’ve actually been writing a TON. We pretty much write every day. Since we’ve started this unemployment stint in July, we’ve taken maybe 5 days off from writing. We’re at each others’ houses every day just plugging away. This leads me to the next item…</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Learning way too much about each other</span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There are no boundaries now. We start sentences with “this is probably an overshare” but we don’t really mean it. They’re empty words, like “don’t change who you are.” No one really means that. There’s something wrong with everyone, even Jesus. He smote a tree because it didn’t have figs on it. That was a bit of an overkill, amirite? Anyway, having spent sooo much time together, we now have an intimate knowledge of each others’ bathroom habits, bodily functions, snack choices, thoughts on makeup, awkward sexcapades, family disputes, deep seated emotional scars, and lotion preferences. It’s fun for us (we’ve almost perfected our Vulcan mind meld) but weird for our significant others.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7x9Av8yfhTg/T3oq6BkkRWI/AAAAAAAAJAY/zm3tblLfdh8/s640/fig+tree.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="462" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7x9Av8yfhTg/T3oq6BkkRWI/AAAAAAAAJAY/zm3tblLfdh8/s640/fig+tree.JPG" width="640" /></span></a></td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Learning about ourselves</span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kristine: I’ve learned that I’m inherently a shorts person. If there was a way to wear jean shorts to the office and still look professional, I would totally do it. I tried classing it up by pairing jean shorts with a blazer, but I ended up looking confused as to what weather we’re having. I’ve also learned that I’m getting old because food is starting to affect me. Like, I have to watch my protein levels or I get lightheaded. And I can’t eat Frosted Flakes anymore because they’re too sweet! As the self-proclaimed VP of desserts and deliciousness, I never thought the day would come that something was too sweet for me. Getting old sucks. Luckily I’m not so far gone that I have to eat a lot of fiber or Activia, but that day might come sooner than I thought...</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.usatoday.net/money/_photos/2010/12/15/activax.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="328" src="http://i.usatoday.net/money/_photos/2010/12/15/activax.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jamie Lee Curtis for Activia!</span></td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Joanna: I’ve learned that I can not for the life of me do “plank” for a full minute. Also that my work out shorts were see-through. That one was embarrassing. Not so much on the day I learned it (only Kristine and Tony were around) but when I thought back on the past five years of wearing them in public. Giant Whoops. Oooh, I also learned that I am a big fan of heating pads. They really are hot little miracles for your body. Also I’ve learned that the more tired I am, the more unaware of spacial relationships I become. I mean, I’ve always been clumsy. I always have bruises that I don’t know how I got. So using this time of unemployment, I’ve really tried to be aware of myself. The other morning I was exhausted and getting Lilly ready for school and I walked into a filing cabinet, only to round the corner and miss the doorknob on the bathroom door, smacking my face against it. I thought, remember this moment so when your shoulder is bruised and so is your head you know why. I don’t know what this knowledge does for me exactly. But now I have it. I’ll figure out a use for it. Like a flower vase that someone gives you for your birthday. </span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/cms/uploads/1/plank_483x350_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="462" src="http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/cms/uploads/1/plank_483x350_1.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Taking a UCB improv class</span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We took Improv 101 and it kicked our butts. But then we “yes and’ed” the hell out of that butt kicking and made it into a sketch. We learned a lot, embarrassed ourselves a ton, and sweated buckets. Joanna even had nervous farts the day of our graduation show and told that to the class, which was an indication of how nervous she was. So as we’re sure you’ve guessed, we’re totally signing up for level 2! We strongly recommend the classes! They’re a great way to meet new people who are like 10 years younger than you. Honestly we think the median age might have been 22. Way to go funny young people. Shout out to Pam Murphy’s 101 Improv class! We heart you guys! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Started doing Bar Method DVD workouts</span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now truth be told, Kristine already has a pretty rockin’ body, so she agreed to pity workout with Joanna who was/is still pretty doughy. We started doing the workouts about 2 weeks ago. We know we were gonna take parkour classes and we didn’t make good on that- but the truth is we were too lazy to drive that far away. Sooo parkour - start classes in our area! Back to the workouts, Joanna is experiencing pain in new and unimagined ways, but she has managed to achieve the burgeoning of a bicep and a small line across the top of her abs indicating there is muscle under all that flab. She’s very happy about that. So thanks, Burr and Joey. You know what you’ve done. Joanna is starting to “look great in her blue jeans”. </span></div>
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<a href="http://www.truthinaging.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/298x313/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/b/a/bar_method_chage_your_body_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://www.truthinaging.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/298x313/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/b/a/bar_method_chage_your_body_1.jpg" width="380" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Going on meetings</span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is a very vague statement because it has to be and they are. Sometimes we meet with people for a reason, but most of the time we have “generals.” That’s just a fancy way of saying no one knows what that means. Usually it’s just us talking about ourselves and trying to get whoever we’re meeting with to laugh and follow us on Twitter. Sometimes we go on tangents and talk about Jem or superpowers for awhile. Sometimes it’s super awkward and we just stare at each other for 30 minutes. Just kidding. That hasn’t happened. Everyone loves us because we smell good and bring cookies! Actual compliment we got: “You should bring them back more often. They smell like fall.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Eating, like, a barrel of Pirate Booty</span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Seriously, why is it so good? And they make it so fluffy that it doesn’t feel like you’re eating anything. It's like eating a cloud that's dusted in white cheddar and has the occasional hard corn piece.</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-47009714271146856482013-08-17T22:56:00.001-07:002013-08-17T22:56:16.687-07:00Irrational Fears<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I have a theory that writers can be cripplingly imaginative, which is a nice way of saying batshit crazy. We’re constantly thinking in hypotheticals and our minds jump from step 1 to step 20 in a matter of seconds. You know how when a kid is telling you about their day and you zone out in the middle of it and suddenly they’re talking about something completely different? That’s my mind all the time. It can be a good thing when it comes to writing, but a bad thing when it comes to life. For example, I’ve developed some irrational fears.</i></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7LguwmrRiTGLlMX9USBhueSdEeEL8waPpT-oZd1mpzeJt8YSNiNcaiuQA2dJ95U9OcagABoGi6FpkLGfG1hUSw5f513xIYmmHs4yYpjlT1fjLwGdtXrTeGWEB-29g-zwBxu3I5BCobJ4/s1600/k_icon.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7LguwmrRiTGLlMX9USBhueSdEeEL8waPpT-oZd1mpzeJt8YSNiNcaiuQA2dJ95U9OcagABoGi6FpkLGfG1hUSw5f513xIYmmHs4yYpjlT1fjLwGdtXrTeGWEB-29g-zwBxu3I5BCobJ4/s1600/k_icon.png" /></a></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Kristine:</span></b></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Skills I would need in case of a zombie apocalypse</span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I hated running for the longest time, but about a year ago I started doing it again and I SUCKED at it. I could barely run a block without feeling like I was having an asthma attack. Naturally, the first thing that went through my mind was “I would be screwed in the event of a zombie apocalypse.” Now, I know that zombies run at different speeds (depending on the movie) but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re persistent as hell. (Side note: it would be nice to not have the brain capacity to give up.) Luckily my running stamina has increased since then, but there are other skills that the paranoid side of me thinks I should learn. These skills include, but aren’t limited to: knife throwing, gun shooting, head decapitating (don’t know how I’d practice that), Chun Li-style speed kicking (nerds know what I’m talking about), opening a Swiss Army knife without breaking a nail, horse taming and subsequently riding.</span></span></div>
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<a href="http://agallantidea.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/westlake_zombieflyer_forhumans.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="494" src="http://agallantidea.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/westlake_zombieflyer_forhumans.jpg" width="640" /></a><br />Great. More skills I should probably learn.</div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Randomly being impaled in the eye</span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Any time I see a lone pointy object, I imagine it impaling me in the eye. Specifically a single, stand-alone pointy object and specifically the eye. It’s not that I don’t care about being impaled in any other body part; it’s just that the fear is greater because the eye is a very delicate spot on your body that leads directly to the brain so the impact would be crazy detrimental. I don’t know about you, but it seems like a design flaw on God’s part to do it that way. (I’d write an angry letter to Him but I think His inbox is full from, like, complaints about political upheaval and mom groups.) So anytime I see a wooden stake, a piece of lumber on a truck, or a unicorn, I avert my eyes. Which sucks in the sense that a unicorn would be a wondrous thing to be able to look at.</span></span></div>
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<a href="http://divnil.com/iphone5s/img/app/u/n/unicorn-wallpaper_36c286ec7e9842823c38f7e9f8337485_raw.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="360" src="http://divnil.com/iphone5s/img/app/u/n/unicorn-wallpaper_36c286ec7e9842823c38f7e9f8337485_raw.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Having to explain something serious to a kid</span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m not good at dealing with serious things without cracking a joke. Close friends and loved ones know this about me and accept the fact that I’m going to giggle at least once during Les Miserables. My fear is having to have a serious moment with a kid who’s too young to understand humor or the situation is so serious that it’s inappropriate. I can’t couch things in jokes! I can’t be awkward on purpose to lighten the mood! I’ll have to just say a bunch of things that are true! THIS FREAKS ME OUT!</span></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.theawl.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/gilmoregirls_couch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://www.theawl.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/gilmoregirls_couch.jpg" width="400" /></a><br />We can't all be cool like you, Lorelai Gilmore!</div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Secretly being watched</span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes a stranger looks at me like the recognize me and my mind immediately jumps to "What if there's a camera in my house and I'm actually on some sort of web show I don't know about?! How embarrassing, but also entertaining I hope?" The more logical explanation is that just look like someone they know (very possible. I'm Asian, after all), but that doesn't stop me from thinking about the web show thing. Another theory that's crossed my mind is that am or just happen to look like The Chosen One for some sort of prophecy for a cult or Scientologists.</span></span></div>
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<a href="http://images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/13700000/the-chosen-one-harry-potter-vs-twilight-13750153-432-510.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/13700000/the-chosen-one-harry-potter-vs-twilight-13750153-432-510.jpg" width="338" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Running out of creative juices</span></span></h2>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I mean, what if there’s a fixed amount of creativity in the world and we hit a cap? Or, more logically - I believe that part of being creative means being unexpected and innovative. So... what if we hit a point where we’ve done everything? Shouldn’t there be some sort of emergency creativity reserve for this kind of thing? What will I do for a living? I won’t survive! The courtesy chuckles of strangers fuels me!</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxMFA2Xd73hTB1B5fujSVbZ5mzHkmdxzS_j9A1KpaU6f0-4zjfDvpAjgJembiVP2C4gUmgSTjcw5CFu8jV81xKRRZBRFXQKmBNZWnnRe26INcHAXweuKMxLGGXKoCjmmcaPuu300NXusw/s320/creative+juices+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxMFA2Xd73hTB1B5fujSVbZ5mzHkmdxzS_j9A1KpaU6f0-4zjfDvpAjgJembiVP2C4gUmgSTjcw5CFu8jV81xKRRZBRFXQKmBNZWnnRe26INcHAXweuKMxLGGXKoCjmmcaPuu300NXusw/s400/creative+juices+2.jpg" width="400" /></a><br />Sooo...this is a thing that exists. Future party favor?</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglobqCUMKj4BUaCZOb9upueEc-wGkTIcFlVbkOiqbTaJPK2wft6UwimPZ_VlA_UjunbD-O5ggmKL3ZKUWuqGk1VJt384JFQ4f14lY7ZKm13UEVKQYCQHwsuW3s6ZDZOKtb4ImR0OCIFoY/s1600/j_icon.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglobqCUMKj4BUaCZOb9upueEc-wGkTIcFlVbkOiqbTaJPK2wft6UwimPZ_VlA_UjunbD-O5ggmKL3ZKUWuqGk1VJt384JFQ4f14lY7ZKm13UEVKQYCQHwsuW3s6ZDZOKtb4ImR0OCIFoY/s1600/j_icon.png" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Joanna says: </span></span></h2>
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Well I didn’t want Kristine to be alone in such a vulnerable place, I mean, telling the world how to scare the shit out of you is probably pretty insane. And yet here we are. So deep breath and here goes.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sharks</span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Death by shark is my greatest fear in life. Everything about them terrifies me. They actually evolved into highly efficient killing machines. They don’t sleep, they’re always moving forward, they’re lightning fast, they have ROWS of teeth and have no problems growing new ones. Do you know how many drunken fools wish they had that ability? Or kids that got beaned in the tooth with a stackin’ jack by their two year old cousin? (Shout out to you little brother!) But probably the most upsetting thing about sharks is - they don’t actually want to eat us. Soooo once they bite you - enough for you to die slowly and painfully from blood loss or limb loss - they’re like meh, this is one gross ass seal. I’ll find a tastier one. And leave you to bleed out and drown. They’re like serial killers who get bored with murder. </span></span></div>
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<a href="http://images.sodahead.com/polls/000959059/usharkcopy_answer_1_xlarge.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="252" src="http://images.sodahead.com/polls/000959059/usharkcopy_answer_1_xlarge.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Tsunami</span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Second greatest fear in life. Not because I’m afraid of drowning (although I am scared of that too) but because a Tsunami brings a shark right to your front door. Ding dong! Who’s there? SHARK ATTACK TO THE FACE! No thank you. </span></span></div>
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<a href="http://grumpyelder.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/download-32-540x330.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="243" src="http://grumpyelder.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/download-32-540x330.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Horror Movies</span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This one includes but is not limited to movies about: ghosts, spirits, undead, cannibals, any sort of possession, demons, monsters, definitely torture porn, and of course Satan himself. I am a gigantic baby. Like huge. I once couldn’t sleep for two weeks straight after watching Sin City because I kept imagining little Elijah Wood looking at me with his cold, unfeeling sunglass eyes, thinking hungry thoughts. {Silver Lining: My husband who was my boyfriend at the time, not only tried to stay awake with me so I wasn’t scared, (FOR TWO WEEKS) he also didn’t break up with me! So at that point I was pretty sure it was love.} </span></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.hotflick.net/flicks/2005_Sin_City/fhd005SC_Elijah_Wood_003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="http://www.hotflick.net/flicks/2005_Sin_City/fhd005SC_Elijah_Wood_003.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Needing to drive stick shift in a life or death situation</span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Ok I’m gonna take you on this ride with me: The big one hits California. Half of LA is buried in rubble and the other half is now on a giant peak like hundreds of feet above sea level. Not only is the city in chaos and ruin, but when the earth broke apart - a toxic gas was exhaled from the earth’s mantle. It infected most of the surviving population’s mind and now they’re raving lunatics who confuse people with Carl’s Jr. There I am, alone in the rubble, when five or six big-ish guys who really want to pay six bucks for a stupid burger spot me and they’re like “Hey, there’s a Carl’s Jr. - let’s eat!” They give chase- but ya know, this isn’t their first burger and their tickers aren’t what they used to be. If I wasn’t asthmatic, I’d probably be able to outrun them no problem. But I am and I can’t. So what to do? Glory be- I see a car shining in the distance. I run as fast as my untoned legs will take me, hop in the car and find a key in the ignition! Amazing! I turn it and then realize “OH NO. IT’S STICK SHIFT.” I’m not going anywhere and I’m about to be finished like a medium fries after a giant burger. It’s curtains for me. </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/3418701824/h8A904FC7/" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/3418701824/h8A904FC7/" width="400" /></a></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Lilly will realize how uncool I am/Lilly won’t realize how uncool I am:</span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I don’t want her to ever be embarrassed of me (By me- sure- not of me) but I also don’t want her to be the girl from Saturday Night Live either. No matter how you slice it, there’s gonna be a day when Lilly’s gonna go her own way and think what I do is as silly as I think some of the stuff my mom did is. So what to do? Nothing. Solid insight me. </span></span></div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-11422716463977542502013-08-01T23:18:00.000-07:002013-08-01T23:18:53.757-07:00Earthquake Preparedness: A True Story<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Earlier this year the studio made us go to a mandatory emergency earthquake preparedness seminar. Naturally we were all like “uuuugggh, we have to stop sitting around in our office doing nothing and go all the way to the gym so we can sit around and do nothing? What </span><span style="font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">is</span><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> this life?!” We hemmed and hawed and shuffled off to the gym, where we proceeded to watch the most TERRIFYING VIDEO OF OUR LIVES. It basically told us that California is way overdue for a big earthquake because some hot shot tectonic plates are like SCREW YOU CALIFORNIA. WE’RE GONNA SHIFT SOME DAY AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. WELL, THERE IS ONE THING YOU CAN DO: PREPAREDNESS.</span></span></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/cYrFXgx0xi8?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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Disclaimer: Watching this video might make you paranoid like us. Maybe read the rest of this entry before deciding whether or not you want that to happen.</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">The seminar went on to tell us about all the things we should have on hand in case of an earthquake: first aid kits, flashlights, wind up radios, matches, those weird foil emergency blankets, etc. They gave us helpful pamphlets and told us where we could buy pre-made <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Quakehold-70280-Grab-n-Go-Emergency-2-Person/dp/B000FJQQVI/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1375422956&sr=8-2&keywords=red+cross+emergency+kit" target="_blank">Red Cross emergency packs</a> for $39. Joanna, Whitney, and I promptly ignored these helpful tips and ventured off to Target to make more customized emergency packs for 2x the price. </span><br />
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Here are some things that are in our emergency packs:</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">First aid kits</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Flashlights</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Wind up radios/iPhone chargers</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Matches</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Luna bars</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Diapers (for Lilly. And emergencies.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Condoms (what else are you going to do?)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Alcohol (again, what else are you going to do?)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Zip ties (for apprehending hostiles)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A stylish-yet-functional doomsday outfit</span></span><br />
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As you can see from the inclusion of zip ties, our overactive minds jumped from earthquake preparedness to end-of-the-world doomsday preparedness. As a general note, I highly suggest everyone make their own emergency preparedness kit. Not only will you be prepared for an emergency (as the name implies), but it’s also interesting to see all the thoughts that go through your mind in regards to preparedness. You find yourself pondering the important things in life: Do I really need face wash </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> body wash or will bar soap work on both fronts? Do I really need a toothbrush when putting toothpaste on my finger works just as well? Will bras matter anymore? Do I know how to forage for food or fillet a fish? Should I learn that soon? All these thoughts and more race through your head when you’re doomsday prepping. </span></span></div>
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<a href="http://kyoceracutlery.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Filet-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="286" src="http://kyoceracutlery.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Filet-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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This is how to fillet a fish. (singing) The more you knowww!</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">I actually put a lot of thought into my doomsday outfit. I figured I’d want to be comfortable and warm, but not something that isn’t too heavy in case I have to run for a long time or traverse through the treacherous wasteland that used to be Earth. And I didn’t want to pack crappy clothes because what if this is all I get for forever? It may be the end of the world but that doesn’t mean I have to look terrible. I mean, Emma Stone had a great doomsday outfit in Zombieland. That leather jacket might be a nuisance on hot days but man does it look badass when you’re kicking zombie butt. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDJAtU_tha08K1dlz3DzaB0uYeJ1iUJTihyjPqNycpuNoPug5eFBtKeixJoSNugFPR-XrLPbH1wQJHtapNa0XI-5645S0KvpWs_S9n1mR2nsSnlxkbFxH9Astr_QGDcfl5QiZDoZX87YE/s1600/emma_stone_zombieland_abigail_breslin_desktop_2560x1600_wallpaper-416441.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDJAtU_tha08K1dlz3DzaB0uYeJ1iUJTihyjPqNycpuNoPug5eFBtKeixJoSNugFPR-XrLPbH1wQJHtapNa0XI-5645S0KvpWs_S9n1mR2nsSnlxkbFxH9Astr_QGDcfl5QiZDoZX87YE/s400/emma_stone_zombieland_abigail_breslin_desktop_2560x1600_wallpaper-416441.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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It's stylish, yet functional. Cute, but not so cute that a zombie gut stain is the end of the world. </div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">Anyway, long story short I decided on a loose pair of skinny jeans, a tank top, and a plaid shirt. And leggings in case it’s super cold.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Here are some things I’d put in my emergency pack had I thought about it/if I had more room:</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The dictionary (there are so many words I don’t know. If I’m gonna have a lot of free time on my hands I might as well learn something)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Lots of paper and pens (assuming we won’t have technology, these will probably be like currency come doomsday. Where else are you going to write down the screenplay you’re writing about this tragedy as it happens?)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Spam</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A really good pair of insoles (if you’re walking around in the same pair of shoes for the rest of your life, you’re gonna need some arch support)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A bow and arrow (it just seems appropriate)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Febreeze</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A book that somehow teaches you self defense. Probably a good thing to learn. Also, I’m assuming such a book exists.</span></span></div>
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Found this gem on Amazon...could be handy in the event of the end of the world. How did this start again? Earthquakes? Yeah, we're way past that.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-82853523120421121712013-07-30T19:00:00.000-07:002013-07-30T19:00:13.043-07:00Things that never happened: Pretty Little Liars edition<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One of the things we do a lot is imagine elaborate backstories for things that never happened. For example, one day Joanna and Whitney almost got run over by two teenage girls in a Burbank parking lot and proceeded to imagine a hilarious 20 minute conversation between those girls whom they hypothetically (and appropriately) named Jenna and Brie. “Ohmigod, Jenna, you totally almost ran over those girls in your mom’s Yukon.” “Shut up, Brie! It didn’t happen, did it?” “No wonder you mom doesn’t let you borrow the Yukon often.” “Whatever, Brie. Shut your mouth hole.”</span><span style="fbackground-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So a couple of days ago I was using the Netflix account on my AppleTV to watch “Pretty Little Liars.” I was a couple of episodes in when I realized I wasn’t signed into our Netflix account - it was some random person’s. I asked Chris if he knew who it was but he was just as confused as I was so I assume it was some weird glitch in the AppleTV system? I switched the account back to mine but the person who was accidentally signed in will still have “Pretty Little Liars” pop up under their “Recently Watched” stuff. I won’t post the email address, but let’s just say this person was definitely a guy and he mostly had dramas and guy shows in his queue, so “Pretty Little Liars” would stick out like a sore thumb. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://haveuheard.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/PLL.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 1.15; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://haveuheard.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/PLL.jpeg" width="400" /></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">These girls are so good at walk/posing!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I started to imagine how this person would react upon finding “Pretty Little Liars” in their history, and this is what I came up with:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A guy (let’s call him Tad) is about to watch Sons of Anarchy or something with his girlfriend (let’s call her Rhonda) on Netflix when PLL shows up.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Rhonda: Tad, did you watch Pretty Little Liars?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Tad: No. Did you?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Rhonda: No. You know I can’t stand that teenybopper stuff. It’s like, how old are we? 23? No. We’re 31 and 32. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Tad: I know how old we are. You don’t have to state the obvious.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Rhonda: Apparently I do because Pretty Little Liars is right there under “Recently Watched”. So either you watched it recently or... <GASP> Are you cheating on me?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Tad: No!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rhonda: You are! You’re cheating on me with someone who watches Pretty Little Liars! Who is it? Is it Camille? She’s all into that Disney shit. Ugh, I can’t stand that girl. She thinks she’s so cool because she can talk to 8 year olds without </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">talking down</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> to them. Who lists that as a skill? </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Tad: Babe, I swear, there’s nothing going on with me and Camille. I took her out for coffee once, but that was because I almost ran over her foot with my car. Thank goodness she wears shoes that are 2 sizes too big.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Rhonda: Is it Anita? She loves all that CW stuff. She’s been telling me to watch Vampire Diaries for years - she’s totally the type to watch Pretty Little Liars.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Tad: I’m telling you, I’m not cheating on you! Besides, Pretty Little Liars is on ABC Family.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Rhonda: So you DO watch it!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Tad: No! I can’t even stand Lucy Hale. She reminds me too much of Katie Holmes but younger and less robot-like.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Rhonda: Ohmigod, you totally watch it. You know who Lucy Hale is.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Tad: What? She’s a celebrity. Doesn’t everyone knows who she is?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Rhonda: NO ONE KNOWS WHO SHE IS. SHE’S ONLY BEEN IN, LIKE, SCREAM 4 AND TINKERBELL: SECRET OF THE WINGS.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tad: ...Wait. How did </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">you</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> know all that?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">(awkward silence)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Rhonda: Okay, fine. I’ve seen an episode or six of Pretty Little Liars.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Tad: Ha!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Rhonda: But I didn’t watch them on your Netflix account!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Tad: Neither did I! Look, can we just forget about this? Please? You owe me. There was that one time you didn’t put in for tip at that big group dinner and I didn’t say anything.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Rhonda: It was either that or hold everyone up with my credit card bill! How was I supposed to know everyone else had cash on them? Seriously - fifteen people and everyone had cash. When has that ever happened?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Tad: Babe, just let it go. I really want to get past this, open a fresh bag of Pirate Booty, and watch Sons of Anarchy with you.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Rhonda: Fine.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">(They settle in and start watching Sons of Anarchy whilst munching on Pirate Booty.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Tad: So who do you think A is? I think--</span></span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-190775df-3270-c66c-3775-9fcd8e56888e"><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Rhonda: DON’T SPOIL IT FOR ME! I’M ONLY ON SEASON 2!</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/32100000/-PrettyLittleLiars-pretty-little-liars-tv-show-32129678-1024-768.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 1.15; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/32100000/-PrettyLittleLiars-pretty-little-liars-tv-show-32129678-1024-768.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-2500121340094339582013-07-30T12:58:00.000-07:002013-07-30T12:58:11.249-07:00PONDERINGS: ANIMAL ASSOCIATIONS I DON'T UNDERSTAND<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-3642fa48-3107-71f4-5ed7-d0360ab976f3" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">So like I do, I think odd thoughts in the car. Oh, who am I kidding? I think odd thoughts everywhere. But this particular stream of thought happened in the car. So here goes: Why do certain animals get associated with certain attributes? It seems rather arbitrary. Allow me to elaborate: </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://oaknotes.primaryblogger.co.uk/files/2012/05/Lucky_Duck_Rubber_Duckie_Shirt_Infants_Bib_2_Large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://oaknotes.primaryblogger.co.uk/files/2012/05/Lucky_Duck_Rubber_Duckie_Shirt_Infants_Bib_2_Large.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">A Lucky Duck- What on earth makes a duck lucky? I personally have never met a duck that inspired me to think: “man I wish I could switch places with that duck.” Nor have I ever - in a time of extreme bad fortune - thought: “If only I was a duck! That’d get me out of this jam!” or even “I could some duck luck right about now.” So why?<br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_BH8X7rrsAjs/TH0ht5oQPMI/AAAAAAAAAA0/Mw3pu2IzJq0/S220/silly_goose_s.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_BH8X7rrsAjs/TH0ht5oQPMI/AAAAAAAAAA0/Mw3pu2IzJq0/S220/silly_goose_s.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_BH8X7rrsAjs/TH0ht5oQPMI/AAAAAAAAAA0/Mw3pu2IzJq0/S220/silly_goose_s.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">A Silly Goose - Now I have had thoughts about geese. Mostly that they’re kinda A-holes. They honk horribly- they poop everywhere - you can’t get near a pond if geese live there with out stepping in goose scat. And they chase and bite you if you get too close to the pond. Honestly, they’re borderline socio-paths. But silly? No. <br /></span></span></div>
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<a href="http://image.normthompson.com/solutions/images/us/local/products/detail/81801.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://image.normthompson.com/solutions/images/us/local/products/detail/81801.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br />A Dumb Dog - Now I know - dogs aren’t solving world hunger - but dumb compared to what? Other animals? People? All I'm saying is they’re not following us around with little baggies and picking up our poop. So who’s dumber than who? Really? </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://media.cutebreak.com/thumbs/catbox.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://media.cutebreak.com/thumbs/catbox.jpg" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br />A Clever Cat- well this is derivative of my last argument but ya know, me and 90% of the internet savvy population have seen cats get stuck in boxes on purpose. Not super clever.<br /></span></span><br />
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<a href="http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h307/sounduntreated/Dirty_Bird.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="305" src="http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h307/sounduntreated/Dirty_Bird.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br />A Dirty Bird - are birds particularly dirty among their animal compatriots? I mean to me animals in general seem pretty gross-lots of butt licking, peeing on stuff and pooping wherever they damn well feel like it. But in fairness, upon close inspection- so do most humans -especially the little ones - they are cesspools of dirt, germs and boogers. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrPdHz6hPKVmm9ojD9MJqlkR3x9a3WVHfAAN8QlqDi8KMZb4xzyPJL2rIqadWAiSknA5LOGclPyMXNyynNjEU3xwJrUhrzhQ4rIumxG1xbg3LMTHi9KQ2IDnfaJIVGG8TOifavOrEoXoQ/s640/Janet_Chicken.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrPdHz6hPKVmm9ojD9MJqlkR3x9a3WVHfAAN8QlqDi8KMZb4xzyPJL2rIqadWAiSknA5LOGclPyMXNyynNjEU3xwJrUhrzhQ4rIumxG1xbg3LMTHi9KQ2IDnfaJIVGG8TOifavOrEoXoQ/s320/Janet_Chicken.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">A chicken- a chicken is literally a euphemism for being scared! Why? Are they notoriously afraid of everything? I can admit I don’t spend nearly enough slash hardly any time around chickens. Maybe they are giant wussies, but the ones in the petting zoo my daughter attends on Saturdays don’t seem to be scared of</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> anything! And I mean, that guy looks like he's literally giving the camera the Bobby DiNero "You lookin at me?!"<br /><br /> </span></span><br />
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<a href="http://hotlink.popmartian.com/4B533FC1/karate-tiger.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://hotlink.popmartian.com/4B533FC1/karate-tiger.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br />My personal favorite and the reason these thoughts popped into my head in the first place: Why oh why is a tiger associated with Karate? Is there a Tiger Sensei that I am unaware of that has been wow-ing students and karate enthusiasts for years with his kick -ass karate moves? Was the first use of karate a man vs. tiger fight?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I don’t know. But this is my thought of the day. And now it’s here for you to enjoy and perhaps ponder weird animal associations of your own. I am sure there are thousands! </span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13163335226119812586noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-41027515625147048412013-07-26T11:52:00.001-07:002013-07-26T11:52:49.851-07:00This = Good<b id="docs-internal-guid-2c0b7cb4-1c48-7450-4539-b6eab91587c2" style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.15;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Here’s the first entry an ongoing segment I’m calling “This = Good”. It’s basically a list of stuff I like. I admit it’s not a very creative title but if I called it “Good Things” Martha Stewart would come at me with a hand-crocheted subpoena. And if I called it “Aerial Dragon Sex” it’d be very misleading.</span></span></b><br />
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Have you ever wanted insight into the mind of a narcissistic asshole? I have! (I say, indicating that I’m not a narcissistic asshole myself.) This hilarious faux bio is told from the POV of a fictional character named Babe Walker, a rich entitled twentysomething who bitches over the kale-to-agave-ratio in her 100 calorie breakfast smoothie. <a href="http://www.deadline.com/2013/06/lionsgate-buys-two-for-elizabeth-bankss-brownstone-banner-erica-oyama-adapting-white-girl-problems/" target="_blank">Word on the street</a> is that Elizabeth Banks’ production company bought the rights to possibly turn it into a movie, which would be amazing if the right bitch was cast. Some of my favorite quotes include:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Honestly, Genevieve, I can’t go in any vintage stores, because I just had a facial yesterday, and the floating particles of cocaine residue will tarnish my shine.” - Babe’s excuse to not go shopping with her BFF</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“How the F am I going to be an actress if you and Dad force me to go to college? The best actresses are rebels who didn’t go to school and were too poor to eat.” </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“You’d have to be a real dick to blow off an invite to an intervention, but I won’t say I’ve never done it. I mean, my cousin was addicted to gum. Not my issue.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Upon finding a new friend at art school: “I knew from the second I saw her that she would be the perfect weird art friend, and she’d make me look super tall and thin in pictures, so a strong bond was born.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“My eyebrows tell you that I’m listening to you, but I’m not like, crazy into what you’re saying. Or, wait. Maybe they say that I’m </span><span style="font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">not</span><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> listening to you, but I’m thinking about something important that you should probably want to know. I can’t remember, but it’s one of those.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">An end-of-date convo: “I had a lot of fun, Babe. I feel like we were, like, connecting and shit.” Babe: “Totally connecting. It was amazing, and our hair looked so good. Your car is the perfect height off the ground for the wind’s trajectory to create a healthy and natural blowout. I feel so lucky to have you in my life. Is that psycho?”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Guys, there are so many wonderful things being done with cookies these days. I feel like we’ve made so many advancements in cookieology - <a href="http://www.cookingclassy.com/2013/04/browned-butter-peanut-butter-oatmeal-chocolate-chip-cookies/" target="_blank">brown butter cookies</a>, <a href="http://www.bakerella.com/my-kind-of-stuffing/" target="_blank">cookies stuffed with other cookies</a>, <a href="http://www.grouprecipes.com/135055/unicorn-poop-cookies.html" target="_blank">unicorn poop cookies</a>... I’m like, really proud of society on the cookie front. And when I saw <a href="http://www.cookingclassy.com/2013/05/chocolate-chocolate-chip-cookies/" target="_blank">this recipe</a> for Nutella stuffed cookies via Cooking Classy, my stomach squealed in excitement. </span></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.cookingclassy.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/nutella-stuffed-chocolate-chocolate-chip-cookies+srgb..jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://www.cookingclassy.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/nutella-stuffed-chocolate-chocolate-chip-cookies+srgb..jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The genius thing about this recipe is the technique you use to get the Nutella inside the cookie. Nutella is too soft to put inside a cookie without too much hassle but some genius figured out you can freeze dollops of Nutella, then wrap the cookie dough around it before baking. AMAZING! The result is a delicious chocolate cookie with a burst of nutty goo in every bite. You’re welcome.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Backseat Lover by Mayer Hawthorne</span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is just a fun summer song to have in your arsenal. I can’t listen to this song without doing some hip thrusts, which is awkward when it pops up during my neighborhood jog. And it’s about secret affairs! Who </span><span style="font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">doesn’t</span><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> want to jam out to that? Priests, probably. What?</span></span></div>
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<br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-50687858002079855152013-07-23T16:29:00.000-07:002013-07-26T11:54:04.448-07:00The Seven Stages of Unemployment<b id="docs-internal-guid-3f276598-0dc3-cbe8-1ddb-acf7b227d996" style="font-weight: normal;"></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-3f276598-0dc3-cbe8-1ddb-acf7b227d996" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Last Friday was our last day at Nickelodeon :( We’re bummed to have to leave so many wonderful and talented people behind, yet optimistic because the future is just a huge question mark right now and that can mean anything from crappy to great! At least that’s what I tell myself and others when they ask “Now what?” </span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Leading up to our joblessness I found myself going through a myriad of emotions ranging from “eh” to “UGH.” And in an emo turn of events, I felt the need to draw parallels between my inconsequential feelings and death. Which brings me to the point of this entry: the Seven Stages of Unemployment.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Stage 1: Indifference</span></b></span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We had the advantage of knowing when our time was coming to an end two months ahead of time. So when we first found out about our end date, we were like “Shrug. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” We then proceeded to think little of our future and instead spent money on stupid things, like expensive juices, super specialized kitchen utensils, and patterned cupcake liners.</span></div>
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Because who knows when you'll need a stainless steel fork designed especially for olives?</div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Stage 2: Resentment</span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Before long it sinks in that you’re not going to have a job. And like most people (well, Americans at least) your first instinct is to blame everyone but yourself. You become bitter as you start to think about all the idiots/jerks/former pedophiles who are out there making money instead of you, a perfectly normal person of average intelligence who recycles. Everything’s wrong - the company’s wrong, the government is wrong, Alex Trebek is wrong (that’s how far you’re willing to go into self-righteous delusion). </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Step 3: Irrational Optimism</span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Once the bitterness wears off, you think of all the things you can now do with your free time. These things aren’t necessarily work-related - some of them are goals that will just make you a </span><span style="font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">better person.</span><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Some of these things will be perfectly achievable goals: doing some freelance, eating more fruit, finding out what a Roth IRA is. Other things will be downright impossible: painting the house, becoming a landscape designer, reaching enlightenment. Actual things that have crossed my mind: learning krav maga, learning Tagalog, doing the Special K challenge, developing triceps of steel, design and manufacture a line of makeup bags which I will give away to needy high schoolers in exchange for market research, and getting over my hangup of opening my eyes underwater.</span></div>
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I'll never be her if I can't open my eyes underwater.</div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Step 4: Passive-Aggressive Panic</span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You start to panic but you don’t show it, because who does that? Instead you do things like get on your significant other’s case for buying name brand products instead of Target brand products and making jokes about being poor. (Not a good idea - it makes you feel better but it makes everyone else feel like they have to buy you something. Scratch that. Great idea!) </span></div>
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"Don't buy Tupperware, buy containers with lids. We're people, not kings."</div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Step 5: Restlessness</span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You’ve been thinking about unemployment so much that you just want it to happen already. You’ve been talking about it so much that you don’t sound fake-excited anymore and you just want the headspace to think about something else. Also you just had an awesome weekend where you sat around in sweats all day and you’re looking forward to doing that 24/7.</span></div>
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This guy knows how to rock sweats <i>and</i> watch you while you sleep.</div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Step 6: Ineffective Preparedness</span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You feel like you should be doing something to help out the bleak state of your future, but you can’t so you do little things that make you feel like you’re doing something. These actions can range from starting a blog to buying your unemployment wardrobe. What constitutes an unemployment wardrobe, you ask? Stylish basics. When you’re unemployed it’s important to be comfortable but not look like you’ve completely given up on life. These things won’t get you a job, but they’ll make you feel like you’re taking steps towards getting a job. And if the US government has taught us anything, it’s that what it feels like you’re doing is way more important than what you’re actually doing.</span></div>
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These guys are all rocking stylish basics. Normal people results may vary.</div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Step 7: Forced Acceptance</span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s happened. You’re unemployed. And like morning breath, the inevitability of the sun exploding, and the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, you have no choice but to accept it. But hey, you could have worse things forced upon you. Skunks, for example. A labyrinth riddled with spiderwebs. There’s another one. You could go on. Really. You have all the time in the world.</span></span></div>
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</b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-75538085788344299832013-07-07T20:53:00.000-07:002013-07-26T11:54:49.060-07:00Are you being inappropriate?Sometimes I forget that our job isn't normal. We get paid to tell jokes all day, which is awesome, but we also have entire conversations in our heads, talk in weird voices, and have lighthearted discussions about crime and death. And when you're stuck in a writers room for hours at a time with someone, the already-fuzzy lines of normality become even fuzzier as you get <i>very</i> comfortable with each other. The phrases "overshare," "too far," and "TMI" hold no weight. Sometimes when I'm amongst non-writers (I'll call them "normal people" for now) and I find myself wondering whether or not what I'm about to say is suitable for normal people ears. So I've come up with a chart that will tell me if I'm being inappropriate:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz9zgTSkgodrD2XhL4TPPsQW1w2BlCU9700vAjCmR60_2gN51B695u79pTGpyO4RN6ul-fHBo0lFqrdMGAI8u4_Ph7WITCX5seJDJ7RW6x2fs0mXetv7kp4e8QBu7gUCprwsKZpByCr5U/s1600/appropriatechart_v4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz9zgTSkgodrD2XhL4TPPsQW1w2BlCU9700vAjCmR60_2gN51B695u79pTGpyO4RN6ul-fHBo0lFqrdMGAI8u4_Ph7WITCX5seJDJ7RW6x2fs0mXetv7kp4e8QBu7gUCprwsKZpByCr5U/s1600/appropriatechart_v4.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-23069730180975783152013-06-27T17:37:00.000-07:002013-07-26T11:56:01.057-07:00Money Saving Tips<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">With unemployment looming around the corner like a weird uncle trying to scare you when you leave the room, we’ve been thinking about ways to save our money. Then we thought to ourselves, “Hey, we’re not the only penny pinchers out there. Unemployment is at like 7%, which I’m assuming is out of 10. Perhaps we should be less selfish and share these money saving tips with the rest of the world. Surely that will get us into heaven.” </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7LguwmrRiTGLlMX9USBhueSdEeEL8waPpT-oZd1mpzeJt8YSNiNcaiuQA2dJ95U9OcagABoGi6FpkLGfG1hUSw5f513xIYmmHs4yYpjlT1fjLwGdtXrTeGWEB-29g-zwBxu3I5BCobJ4/s60/k_icon.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7LguwmrRiTGLlMX9USBhueSdEeEL8waPpT-oZd1mpzeJt8YSNiNcaiuQA2dJ95U9OcagABoGi6FpkLGfG1hUSw5f513xIYmmHs4yYpjlT1fjLwGdtXrTeGWEB-29g-zwBxu3I5BCobJ4/s60/k_icon.png" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Kristine: </span></span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Cancel your gym membership. </span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Instead, pretend the world is your gym. Who needs treadmills when there are parks you can run through for free? Who needs weights when you can find a twenty pound child to lift? Who needs a personal trainer when you can run into oncoming traffic and let the need to stay alive motivate you to push yourself? </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Stop buying experimental chips. </span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been like: “Ooh! Dill pickle Pringles? Who ever heard of such a thing! I shall purchase them for the experience. If they’re terrible, at least I’ll have a delightful story to tell about that one time I bought gross chips.” Even if the chips are decent, I never finish them because I KEEP BUYING MORE INTERESTINGLY FLAVORED CHIPS. It’s a problem - one that I think the chip companies have caught onto. I think at one point chicken and waffle Lays were a thing and I kicked myself for missing out on them. Who kicks themselves over chips? This guy. I’m pretty sure if I kick this habit, I’ll save at least $40 a month. No joke.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sign up for paperless bill pay. </span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I know most people do this, but I don’t. I like the feeling of writing a check. It makes me feel important. When you’re not famous, signing checks, contracts, and restraining orders are the only time your signature holds power. So I’ve refrained from converting to online bill pay thus far, but if I switch over I’ll probably save $1.38 a month in stamps.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Recycle. </span></span></h2>
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<a href="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/p480x480/418185_468298469854620_1985797503_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/p480x480/418185_468298469854620_1985797503_n.jpg" width="476" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This is probably a good thing to do in general because everyone judges you if you don’t do it. Also, the environment is dying, apparently. But in all seriousness, a wise old Asian man who was rooting through my trash bins taught me that actually taking your recyclables to the recycling center will get you some money. And if you don’t have anything to recycle, just throw an expensive party wherein you supply all the alcohol and pay off a friend to stay sober and save the empty bottles. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Instead of eating, suck on a lemon and sniff rancid milk. </span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">That’ll kill your appetite real fast. Then you won’t have to spend money on food! AND you won’t have enough calories in your diet to be able to go to the gym you can’t afford. Two birds, right there.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Joanna:</span></span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Don’t be a leftover snob. </span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">If I see leftovers I’m like no, I already know what you taste like. And you’re probably not as good as when you were fresh so I’m gonna open this other more fresher thing. And then only eat half of it, so that there is even more perfectly edible food that I won’t eat in my refrigerator. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Don’t like new clothes so much. </span></span></h2>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE7OvebAAceXFFXGW2aoNBcZUfN3eOiUvCHddAzZcPyvbuZrfJl0qjQhObQXLu_hcvcETqMt9MvptK6nLdTp1IkLVHTzvaLjZvMa5l4cW9sdkbEHRIFgZ8QZqok8cyeekOILotsL2BH0M/s1060/nomodcloth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="356" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE7OvebAAceXFFXGW2aoNBcZUfN3eOiUvCHddAzZcPyvbuZrfJl0qjQhObQXLu_hcvcETqMt9MvptK6nLdTp1IkLVHTzvaLjZvMa5l4cW9sdkbEHRIFgZ8QZqok8cyeekOILotsL2BH0M/s640/nomodcloth.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Maybe try different combos of the clothes I have. Experiment with laundry - like if I wash my old white shirts with a red pair of pants - BAM - new pink shirt that I didn’t have to pay for. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Don’t throw out soaps just because you have to really shake the bottle to get it out. </span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Combine it with your husband’s old soaps and form your own new scent concoctions! Who doesn’t want to smell like Glacier Orchids or Denali Coconuts? </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZL6hR5gV1ZVCLH5MuiaPtkEiqYYvpeZOVJE_gX8FrBs-3-YycITM-lv2QTq5y9aM3ffkj3h4UJmGW47ZvYo9BEqGZStXXEqAifvvNiUy3PDWZwMh0vOMniVrqjIVB45t7zQ74EB0OZBY/s1056/GlacierOrchid.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="484" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZL6hR5gV1ZVCLH5MuiaPtkEiqYYvpeZOVJE_gX8FrBs-3-YycITM-lv2QTq5y9aM3ffkj3h4UJmGW47ZvYo9BEqGZStXXEqAifvvNiUy3PDWZwMh0vOMniVrqjIVB45t7zQ74EB0OZBY/s640/GlacierOrchid.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Look into siphoning your neighbor’s gas. </span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Because I don’t want to siphon my neighbor’s gas. I live next to these people and in the event of a zombie apocalypse I need to know I can count on my neighbors for shelter should my house get overrun with the undead. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">That’s it for me. I think I just laid out the foundation to be the richest poor person I know. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-62259342695411142692013-06-27T15:37:00.001-07:002013-07-26T11:56:36.756-07:00Us in a nutshellI just realized we don't have any photos of us that aren't flattering illustrations of our faces. It's not that we're dying to show our true selves to the world or anything (we're saving that for our bios), but in case you want to put a face to a name or know who you're target is, here we are:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDUJjktJNSwuwgc4F-y8ZiCNTe5j3hD48TIcbVMhupwVJ5Crrfxw6SB1atWnk1w_amq60iT0lwK3kxDkNl8berff3pohf2GrE5eN_Xlk4gEITXPNRDFT4EAsRHPoWlqkf4uAcLphS5RJk/s600/final_photo_638856286_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDUJjktJNSwuwgc4F-y8ZiCNTe5j3hD48TIcbVMhupwVJ5Crrfxw6SB1atWnk1w_amq60iT0lwK3kxDkNl8berff3pohf2GrE5eN_Xlk4gEITXPNRDFT4EAsRHPoWlqkf4uAcLphS5RJk/s640/final_photo_638856286_1.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
Left to right: Joanna (pre-haircut), me (aka the Asian one), and Whitney (aka amazing).<br />
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That picture was taken at the Burbank mall (home of top notch world-renowned stores such as Tuxedo Junction, Elements of Earth, Back Lot Adventure, and Straight Talk Prepaid Wireless) last December. It was in a photo booth where you take the pictures and then "draw" on them after. Here are some of the other shots:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlKGxMuMeA_R3D6T_tVLwZcrVl_IQUTLj8A2-tqUp4VfSDfZmUhqMvsxPU7hbKdjKHbcPSqVN4ChWtuYvTutqNOhvXKAdmm0epAzxyxZtYeiRca4IKdt3uMyrQ8bwWfsC9QnmMxiK9EUQ/s600/final_photo_638856286_0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlKGxMuMeA_R3D6T_tVLwZcrVl_IQUTLj8A2-tqUp4VfSDfZmUhqMvsxPU7hbKdjKHbcPSqVN4ChWtuYvTutqNOhvXKAdmm0epAzxyxZtYeiRca4IKdt3uMyrQ8bwWfsC9QnmMxiK9EUQ/s640/final_photo_638856286_0.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAQ8cGlU67bcZZNv5vNBYRZgPnk88RIjHgh9W2M9lJlk943s1BcVn8tt7MjkOXODYTdr09pI9waPfuOXy4amspciRwPKW14AQNlIbfGi-q4YBvznquMFArfRKTOZ6KWbvkw0uw1fHtIE0/s600/final_photo_638856286_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAQ8cGlU67bcZZNv5vNBYRZgPnk88RIjHgh9W2M9lJlk943s1BcVn8tt7MjkOXODYTdr09pI9waPfuOXy4amspciRwPKW14AQNlIbfGi-q4YBvznquMFArfRKTOZ6KWbvkw0uw1fHtIE0/s640/final_photo_638856286_2.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9ERuHK43kCI1YC-luV2zl_CXfUYQaExUQ7ElMmpTKB6r45WttfF47A68kbveetFAqNIMvbNPIu1DlRfz6mNXcg8fs5Mojg4l3NgjVUE1_PsbSqxIJmQ34cX2hETBnsGt1luf9hbpHyB8/s600/final_photo_638856286_4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9ERuHK43kCI1YC-luV2zl_CXfUYQaExUQ7ElMmpTKB6r45WttfF47A68kbveetFAqNIMvbNPIu1DlRfz6mNXcg8fs5Mojg4l3NgjVUE1_PsbSqxIJmQ34cX2hETBnsGt1luf9hbpHyB8/s640/final_photo_638856286_4.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Yep, that's us! We don't normally have a rainbow over our heads or sparkles in our hands, but we're working on it.</div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-7501684974178063452013-06-27T15:17:00.001-07:002013-07-26T11:57:44.520-07:00Conversations with Lilly<b id="docs-internal-guid-62d585ad-87b1-4556-f056-0679788194d0" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-62d585ad-87b1-4556-f056-0679788194d0" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM0iz9qZuYgnoYyDSI0afcqrVCikyxqSAiBrpD-rWveRhklQCFfmyhVfidKosEdz4n42KA2j4deHa_H8BUT3Bl3ga3q8A03MJ_C5Be1YglV7cvP3sLBG5zwJsMo_zycVEYzqKBQ-g_qFc/s640/joannaandlilly.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM0iz9qZuYgnoYyDSI0afcqrVCikyxqSAiBrpD-rWveRhklQCFfmyhVfidKosEdz4n42KA2j4deHa_H8BUT3Bl3ga3q8A03MJ_C5Be1YglV7cvP3sLBG5zwJsMo_zycVEYzqKBQ-g_qFc/s640/joannaandlilly.JPG" width="480" /></a></span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-62d585ad-87b1-4556-f056-0679788194d0" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-62d585ad-87b1-4556-f056-0679788194d0" style="font-weight: normal;"></b></span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-62d585ad-87b1-4556-f056-0679788194d0" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-62d585ad-87b1-4556-f056-0679788194d0" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hi Everyone, this is me and my daughter Lilly. I've collected some of my favorite exchanges for you all to read. These are the kind of discussions you can look forward to when you have a two year old of your own. Sometimes she says the most outrageous things. Sometimes I do. Together, we have a good time. </span></b></span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-62d585ad-87b1-4556-f056-0679788194d0" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-62d585ad-87b1-4556-f056-0679788194d0" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Context: Lilly running at me with her stuffed alligator. (but in fairness she watches a lot of Jake and the Neverland pirates - so I believe she’s paying homage to the tick-tock crock.)</span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lilly: Run, mommy, here comes a cock-gator. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Me: Yep. Ok. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thought it inspired: What would a cock-gator look like? A penis with a ton of teeth? Or with scales and a tail? All three? I don’t know. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Context: Leaving Lilly’s school. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Me: “Lilly do you like your friends at school?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lilly:”No I like chocolate.” </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(this kid knows what’s up. Chocolate doesn’t take your shit or bean your head with a toy car.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Context: After doing my best impression of Louis Armstrong singing “You are so beautiful to me”.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lilly: “Mommy stop. You are not funny.” </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Context: Long day at work, I was tired and I was wearing a cardigan over a dress on a hot day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lilly: “Mommy, it’s hot. Sweater?” </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Me: ‘Yeah mommy doesn’t want to look slutty at work.” </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lilly: “Ok.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Me: “OMG what did I just say to you?” </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Context: Watching Disney Junior, with a bowl of dinosaur chicken nuggets.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lilly: Mommy, I want a fuck.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Me: What did you just say?!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lilly: A fuck for my dinosaur chickens. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After laughing for five minutes</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Me: Are you saying “fork”?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lilly: “Yeah. Sorry.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Context: Lilly runs into the room, naked. She was wearing clothes five minutes earlier. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Me: “Lillyanna Grace, where are your clothes.” </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lilly: “Sorry, Mommy, they’re off.” </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Context: After running out into a parking lot, Lilly got yelled at -pretty loudly- by me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lilly: Mommy don’t yell at Lilly. You’re breaking my heart. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Me: Well I’m sorry. But if anything happened to you, it would break mommy’s heart. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lilly: Ok. You fixed it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Me: Fixed what? </span></div>
<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lilly: My Lilly heart. </span></span></b>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13163335226119812586noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-65495906144040773142013-06-21T23:48:00.001-07:002013-07-26T11:58:30.253-07:00A Tour of Our Office<b id="docs-internal-guid-62f20450-6a98-69e2-176c-aaf57e0ad65e" style="font-weight: normal;"></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-62f20450-6a98-69e2-176c-aaf57e0ad65e" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-62f20450-6a98-69e2-176c-aaf57e0ad65e" style="font-weight: normal;"></b></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-62f20450-6a98-69e2-176c-aaf57e0ad65e" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-62f20450-6a98-69e2-176c-aaf57e0ad65e" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In order to promote the utmost standard of hard work and productivity, an office should be clean, organized, and functional.</span></span></b></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-62f20450-6a98-69e2-176c-aaf57e0ad65e" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-62f20450-6a98-69e2-176c-aaf57e0ad65e" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Our office isn’t any of those things.</span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Our office has been described as a spectacle, a college dorm room, and something out of a CW sitcom. It has never been described as “a professional workplace environment” or a “good reflection upon the company”. Usually people see it and say “wowww...” in that long, trailing off way that says they’re both impressed and judging you. And we’re okay with that so long as people know we actually do work. Really. We do.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When you walk into our office, the first thing you’ll notice is probably the snacks.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We keep our office stocked with snacks. So much so that we might have to throw a small party to get rid of them before we leave. I don’t know how the whole snack thing started - probably with a bag of Pirate Booty and some Oreos to fill our emergency chocolate needs. But as you can see, it has since spiraled out of control. We have everything from popcorn to dry cereal to Girl Scout cookies. People come by looking for snacks and we’re like “YES! PLEASE TAKE SOME.” And then they hang out for a while and chat because they’ve been taken in by our magnetic personalities. Either that, or they feel obligated to be friendly with us because they just ate our food. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The next thing you’ll notice is that Joanna and I don’t have desks. We both work on laptops and if we’re writing we project it on the wall, so we didn’t feel the need to have desks. Instead we have couches and super messy coffee tables.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>How many caffeinated beverages does it take to keep a writer going, you ask? Answer: an unholy amount.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">You’ll also notice our decorations. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I like to describe our aesthetic as: orange. We have a wall o’ stuff that mostly consists of Chris’s artwork, pictures of my dog Ponzu, and random ads I ripped out of a Teen Vogue. Also on display: 2 one dollar bills (we won them from a lottery ticket, so they serve as a constant reminder that we’re winners), Joanna’s certificate of completion for a mandatory sexual harassment test (naturally we laminated that), an empty box of coconut popsicles (that’s a weird one. I’ll give you that).</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Another thing we have in our office is a Whitney!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Whitney is our amazing script coordinator whom we love and cherish and yell at a lot. She’s in charge of keeping us in line, typing down (and making sense of) the word vomit we call “jokes”, and bringing sunshine into our hearts just by being there. We could go on and on about the wonder that is Whitney, but we won’t. Because we plan on having a dedicated post on her later.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We have a projector that projects onto the wall so we can all see the genius that Whitney is typing. Unfortunately we project onto the same wall as the door so when people walk by it looks like we’re just talking to each other. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve had to convince someone that we’re actually doing work. And how many times we’ve had to close the SNL video we were watching to do just that.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Other things we have in our office:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A popcorn machine</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">An air hockey table</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A dartboard (okay, I see the college dorm room correlation now)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">An ample supply of vitamins and drugs</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A mini fridge full of salad dressing and juice</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A balance ball</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A 5lb weight</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A mysterious stain</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A quote wall full of inappropriate quotes we shouldn’t post about</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">That pretty much sums up our office. We like to think it’s become a bit of a Nickelodeon staple in the time we’ve been here. Someone once told us they heard an exec talking about how they liked Nick’s laid back atmosphere and said “there’s an office full of ladies who work from couches!” Yep, that’s us. We love our office and the time we’ve spent in it. We will miss it to pieces when we’re gone but at least we have this documentation of it. We shall sear these images into our minds like seared albacore tuna.</span></span></div>
<br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416628444917085992.post-62845217262246579912013-06-17T12:52:00.000-07:002013-07-26T11:59:46.318-07:00Things We Plan To Do With Our Free Time<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-616b1414-537e-1004-d5b9-c2b68fe66c2b"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline;">We’re gonna be unemployed soon, and one of the ways we cope with the soul-crushing emptiness of not having a purpose in life is by filling that void with the possibility of maybe doing something. Here are some of the things we plan on probably getting around to, if time permits:</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">Write. </span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">Obviously. It is our craft and we’re gonna keep it sharp by doing things like updating this blog and sending mass texts to our family. When we’re not writing, we’ll be writing. That’s how much we’ll be writing. It won’t always make sense but the important thing is we’re doing it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">Take some improv classes. </span></h2>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">One of the things that’s immensely useful in a writers room is to be able to think of jokes quickly. (It’s also useful to smell good. Just a side note.) So we plan on taking some classes at UCB. We’ll probably have to perform at some point and I’ll probably shit my pants but I plan on buckling down and facing that obstacle with aplomb and Depends.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Catch up on TV shows. </span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One of the perks of doing what we do is that watching TV is considered “research” and not “being lazy.” One of the other perks is that Rainbow slippers are an acceptable form of office footwear.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">Try a Doritos taco. </span></h2>
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<a href="http://static3.businessinsider.com/image/4f5a58e3eab8ea6539000096/the-truth-about-the-dorito-taco-its-delicious-but-not-a-dorito.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://static3.businessinsider.com/image/4f5a58e3eab8ea6539000096/the-truth-about-the-dorito-taco-its-delicious-but-not-a-dorito.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">I guess I don’t have to wait until I have a ton of free time to do this but it seems like the kind of thing I shouldn’t let pass me by and if I write it down I’ll feel beholden to actually do it.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Learn a useful skill, like parkour.</span></h2>
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<a href="http://maxrushtv.info/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/parkour-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="420" src="http://maxrushtv.info/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/parkour-3.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">How cool would this be? Answer: head explodingly cool. And we looked into it and parkour classes in Culver City are only $15! Is that a valid reason for learning parkour? Probably not. By that logic you could say that making a pipe bomb is something you should do because the materials only cost $15.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Finish that scarf I started crocheting in 2009. </span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is probably the least likely thing that will happen. Yes, it’s behind learning parkour.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Spend time with people I wish I saw more often, like my family and friends who live in the west side. </span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My family is an hour away so it isn’t easy to “stop by.” But I like seeing my family because I love them and it warms my heart. Also they’re obligated to love me back no matter how terrible I am. And even though the west side is technically closer, it feels like it’s forever away. I probably spend as much time agonizing over how long it’ll take to get there as it would take to actually get there. Only I’m agonizing from the comfort of my home as opposed to agonizing in the middle of traffic, trying to sing along to Adele without letting my face get too expressive because the other drivers give you funny looks. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red;">(Joanna: Oh I think we should do more expressive faces and give people a reason to pick up their phones while driving. “Honey, I just saw this girl. She was making the weirdest faces at me.” CUT TO them getting a ticket and us laughing all the way to bank. Why did we decide to go to the bank instead of seeing our friends on the west side? Eh. Less traffic.)</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Get an oil change. </span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Just something I’ve been meaning to do for the last 143,200 miles.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglobqCUMKj4BUaCZOb9upueEc-wGkTIcFlVbkOiqbTaJPK2wft6UwimPZ_VlA_UjunbD-O5ggmKL3ZKUWuqGk1VJt384JFQ4f14lY7ZKm13UEVKQYCQHwsuW3s6ZDZOKtb4ImR0OCIFoY/s1600/j_icon.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglobqCUMKj4BUaCZOb9upueEc-wGkTIcFlVbkOiqbTaJPK2wft6UwimPZ_VlA_UjunbD-O5ggmKL3ZKUWuqGk1VJt384JFQ4f14lY7ZKm13UEVKQYCQHwsuW3s6ZDZOKtb4ImR0OCIFoY/s1600/j_icon.png" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 1.15;">Joanna:</span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Do some pinterest-ing.</span></h2>
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<a href="http://www.compartmentlife.com/wordpress/images/pinterest-capiz-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="612" src="http://www.compartmentlife.com/wordpress/images/pinterest-capiz-1.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I just signed up for Pinterest. Yes I know, sooo 6 months ago. But I got there eventually, so look out all you crafty DIY bitches out there - I’m probably gonna think things that you think are cool. And then try them and post pictures of all my epic failures. But maybe not. Maybe I’m really good at making mason jar vases or paper chandeliers or sherbert. You don’t know. Because I don’t. So really that wasn’t fair. You had no way of knowing. I’m sorry I was so defensive there. I’ll make you a sherbert to make up for it. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-616b1414-53a5-e292-07e4-b3611b60f38c" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b></span>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Would also like to take up French and the drums. </span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I probably won’t do either but if you have any recommendations on how to get started for free - I’ll take them. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b></span>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I would also like to develop a “catch phrase” or a signature gait. </span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Just a little something so people think, man, that girl is a confident little weirdo. (I’m hoping that if I do enough practice walking - I’ll deserve every bit of that “little” comment.) <span style="color: red;">(Kristine: I like how Joanna groups her interests together. Obviously French and the drums go together, as do catch phrases and signature gaits. I mean, it makes perfect sense to me but it’d probably be hard to track in like a Family Feud scenario. Because that happens.)</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b></span>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I am also going to try and meditate. </span></span></h2>
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<a href="http://zazenlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/meditation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="440" src="http://zazenlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/meditation.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Probably need some candles and like a floor pillow. Ooh and Enya or maybe just a wind chime. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b></span>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I would also very much like to try a Doritos Taco. </span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: inherit;">(Kristine: We can have a Doritos Taco day. Followed promptly by a Lettuce for Every Meal day.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b></span>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I would like to catch up with friends and family on the east coast. </span></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So my phone bill will probably skyrocket. Well ok, I would like to catch up with family and friends who are “in my Verizon network” on the east coast. So I guess first, I would like to take a poll of my east coast friends and family on Facebook and see which ones are Verizon customers. If you are an east coast friend of mine and you’re not on Facebook, or you are on Facebook but you’re not a verizon customer, I’m sorry I probably will not be contacting you by phone during my unemployment. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"></span><span style="vertical-align: baseline;">And quite frankly we hope this is all we get to do with our “free time” cuz we’re not planning on having that much of it. Dear God, hire us please.</span></span></div>
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